Helping Teens Weather the Mental Health Crisis
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”
―Louisa May Alcott
Are Maryland teens experiencing a mental health crisis?
Teen girls, according to the CDC, are sadder than ever. As reported in The New York Times, “nearly three in five teenage girls felt persistent sadness in 2021, double the rate of boys, and one in three girls seriously considered attempting suicide.” In the wake of such stark data, it’s essential to understand the many tools that can help teens to navigate the often stormy waters of mental health.
Don’t Panic: Teen therapists can put your child’s behavior in context
Yes, the results of the Youth Risk Behavior Survey, which the CDC gave to 17,000 American teenagers in the fall of 2021, are alarming. In addition to finding that “the rates of sadness are the highest reported in a decade”, the data also showed that LGBTQ youth were especially vulnerable to depression, suicidal thoughts and violence.
The world many teenagers inhabit now is both overstimulating and under-nourishing. Among the contributing factors to increasing levels of depression? The isolation associated with a worldwide pandemic. Toxic social media consumption. Difficult friendships. A barrage of issues– gun violence, global warming, intolerance and inequality– that can be overwhelming.
The sense of distress this world can elicit is entirely understandable. Developmentally, teenagers are at the peak of emotional sensitivity, and they have a lot to be emotional about! As Dr. Lisa Damour writes in her excellent guide, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents,
“For teenagers, powerful emotions are a feature, not a bug.”
However, it’s essential to remember that emotional does not mean fragile. Sadness is a normal emotion that we all feel sometimes. Don’t fear sadness or talk your kids out of it– it’s often a reasonable and appropriate response to upsetting events and circumstances. Experiencing and working through feelings is necessary for growth. Learning to weather emotional storms is a life skill.
What can parents do about teen mental health? Be there for them.
Listen without judgement.
It can be extremely difficult to listen to your child struggling without rushing to fix the situation. Start by asking them if they want you to listen or to problem-solve. If they say listen, just listen without commentary or fixes. Reflect back what you hear them saying, and let them rant. Teenagers experience extreme emotional peaks and valleys, and just telling you about their awful day actually helps them to feel better. And don’t take it too personally if they don’t want to talk. They may need time to process, or a non-parental ear. It’s OK if they won’t always talk to you, as long as they’re talking to someone trustworthy.
Validate their experience.
Acknowledge their feelings, thoughts, and sensations. From a position of calm, let them know you understand that the intense emotions they are experiencing can be uncomfortable, but that you know they can weather the storm. Help to remind them that while emotions give us information and help us to lead full and engaged lives, they are not in charge.
Physically BE with them.
Even if they don’t want to talk, physical proximity and comfort has a calming effect. Connect with them gently: hold them, hug them, sit with them. Let them know that when they are ready to talk, you will be ready to listen.
Spend time together.
Go for walks. Eat dinner as a family. Enjoy a family game night. Take a day trip. Whatever it is, just being with your child helps.
Parents can help teens build healthy habits of mind
Put limits on screen time…WITH your teen
Yes, this may (almost certainly will!) make your teenager mad. But even the most online kid knows that the dopamine loop that online gaming, scrolling and social media rely on is not healthy without breaks. Feelings of agitation, sadness, anxiety and loneliness spike after too much screen time. Research these findings WITH your children, and ask them to check in with themselves after prolonged screen time to assess their emotional state. Build in breaks and put in parental limits on the amount of time your teen can spend on their devices. Model this by ensuring that you too are putting the phone down and engaging with the non-screen world.
Social skills matter: Help them make connections.
One of the strongest protective factors against depression is a sense of connectedness. The isolation of the pandemic had a negative impact on youth mental health, and it takes time to heal. Most young people have lost almost 2 years of socialization, and need help to bridge the gap and re-enter the world. Encourage them to get involved in after-school clubs, sports, and activities. Help them identify causes they care about and volunteer with charities and community service. Being actively involved in making change in the world– even incremental change– combats the sense of hopelessness that the constant barrage of negative news creates. Service to others takes us out of our heads and clarifies our values.
Engage with the present moment, together.
Ask them to pay attention to the sights, sounds, and physical sensations of their current surroundings. Even brief moments of mindfulness connect us to the present moment and calm the nervous system. Help them learn to check in with themselves and encourage them to find mindfulness practices– art-making, yoga, nature walks or journaling– that they want to put into practice.
Teen therapists are great resources. Know when to reach out
If your teen expresses suicidal ideation or engages in self-harm, help should be sought immediately.
Other signs that your teen would benefit from therapy:
Their sadness is constant and makes no space for other emotions
Their sadness feels unmanageable and overwhelming to them
Their sadness doesn’t fit the situation
They are increasingly cut off from others, and have lost interest in things they once loved
They ask for professional help
Therapy provides a safe space for teenagers to explore their feelings, learn and practice coping skills, and develop deeper self-understanding and strength.
