Screen Time Rules for Pandemic Parenting, from a Child and Family Therapist

Modern parents have always worried about the impact of screen time on their child’s mental health. Now we’ve added a pandemic to the mix. Suddenly our kids depend on screens for school and for social contact.

So now what? Our toughest parenting challenge just got harder. How do we balance learning and socializing online with screen time limits?

Advice from our Child and Family Therapists:

It helps to get more specific about what “screen time” is. You might think of “screen time” as any time in front of a tv, tablet, computer screen, or smartphone. We often think of our kids’ screen time as playtime.

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) age guidelines for screen time define screen time as “time spent on entertainment media” (tv, streaming content, or a video game). In other words, time spent typing homework doesn’t count.

As adults, we know this. We don’t feel guilty when we work at the computer for much of the day. We schedule our appointments in a calendar app, and manage logistics by text and email.

Promote development rather than measuring screen time.

Our kids are now using their devices like we use ours. That’s actually a good thing. It gives us opportunities to mentor our children in using their devices as tools.

We can also show them how to counter the possible negative effects. The goal of the AAP guidelines is to promote timely development of cognitive, language, motor, and social-emotional skills. Reduced screen time doesn’t automatically create this development.

This development happens through the following activities:

1. Physical play in natural environments. We can achieve this on a walk or hike where the child is free to explore, on a playground, or climbing a tree.

2. Interactions with parents, siblings, and other children.   Playing online games with friends does count as social interaction. It works best when kids can see and hear each other rather than typing messages.

   You can also simulate play with peers by acting like a peer at playtime. Follow your child’s lead and play with him/her/them rather than structuring, leading, or teaching. During the pandemic, you may need to use this as a substitute for peer interaction when peers aren’t available.

3. Full body movement. Young children develop their sensory systems by playing physically. They need things to jump off of, tumble onto, and reach for. Yoga and other activities that turn kids upside down can be good substitutes when the playground is off limits. Virtual reality games may also be an option.

4. Sleep. If your child hasn’t been sleeping well, a screen time adjustment may be in order. Add blue light blocking glasses during the school day. Set a cutoff time for screen use that’s well before bedtime. And move the screens out of the bedroom.

Instead of counting your child’s minutes of screen time, join them in the activities above. If your child is getting these 4 activities daily, you know their development is well supported.

This approach is also a better fit for our increasingly digital world. Limiting your child to 2 hours of online school (or 2 hours of typing that big English assignment) per day isn’t practical. And wasn’t the intent of the AAP guidelines.

Teach online habits that support your family’s mental health.

1. Treat apps and games like any other new experience.   Teach your child what you want her to do and not do, and listen from nearby when she’s first trying it out.   When you notice missteps, don’t criticize. Teach her what to do instead. 

2. Rehearse positive social behaviors online.  Expect your child’s online conversations with friends to follow your usual rules (e.g. no name calling, keep your cool). Remind them of expectations as needed, but choose your battles. Remember that you wouldn’t normally be present for all of your child’s conversations, and he does need chances to make and correct mistakes on his own.

3. Teach your child to notice the need for a break.   “When you feel yourself getting angry at the screen, it’s time to hit pause. Check whether you might need a snack or a walk, and then come back to it.” Applying these rules to homework time is helpful, too.

4. Consider your child’s point of view.   Don’t take the position that screen time is bad without talking it through.  You are modeling decision making skills. So share your concerns clearly and investigate together whether the activity really has the effect you fear it will.   

5. Observe the impact on your child specifically.  If you notice changes in your child’s sleep, attitude, or other behavior, you may need to do something differently. Tell your child what you’ve noticed and brainstorm some possible solutions together.

6. Make changes as needed.  You may need to experiment with changing sleep schedules, the timing of game time, or the quantity of other activities to reach a balance that works for your child.   

   And as always, if you’re concerned about your child’s emotions or behavior, schedule a free consult with our Child and Family Therapists.  We’re happy to help you determine next steps.