Resisting Peer Pressure on a COVID-19 Halloween
You’ve decided it isn’t safe to trick or treat this year. Or have your favorite annual Halloween party. And you have a sad little Spider-Man.
Or maybe you made a different choice. Either way, your kids are now finding out what their friends will be doing on Halloween. And you have some explaining to do.
First, for those who aren’t doing the usual Halloween activities. You’re hearing “but my friends are trick or treating!” How do you respond to that?
It seems like the choices are impossible. You could go with the standard “I’m not your friend’s parent. I’m your parent.” But you know it doesn’t work.
What other options are there? It seems like we’re either telling our kids that their friends are in danger. Or that we’re being too strict.
But you do get to make your own decision. Double check that you’ve thought it out instead of basing it solely on fear. Then help your kids to get comfortable with the choice you made, too.
Anxiety in children is on the rise in 2020
Friends may be accusing you or your child of being unsafe. And making them feel anxious. Especially if your friends have set stricter rules than you have this year.
Fortunately this is an opportunity. A chance to develop your child’s response to peer pressure. As you’re feeling the pressure yourself.
Help your kids and teens to be immune to peer pressure.
Show them how you make choices. Explain how you decided what was best for your family. (Preparing for this conversation will help you get clear about it too!)
Note that decisions, especially ones about safety, are very personal. “Everyone makes a different choice. It’s a right or power that every person has. Can you think of a time when you make a different choice than I do (food choices or clothes, for example)?”
Explain the values you used to make your decision. Maybe you are always very careful with health matters. Because of an experience you had. Or your family members’ risk factors.
“COVID-19 is like Jessica’s nut allergy. Most of the time it’s safe for Jessica to do what everyone else is doing. But we are extra careful because of how sick Jessica would get if we fed her a nut product.”
Maybe you think of your government’s recommendations like rules or laws. And being lawful is very important to you. Or you trust the scientific method and are listening to the scientists’ advice.
Identify the information that informs your choice.
Let your child know that research is an important part of decision making. “What do we know about COVID-19? Who is telling us about it? How do we know to trust that source?“
Encourage your child to support others decisions too. Try “a good friend understands that you make your own choices. And will respect the choices you make. Let your friends know that you understand and accept their family’s choice too.”
Make the best of the choice you’ve made. Don’t treat your plans like they are the second best option. Go all out and celebrate this once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Ideas for Halloween family fun
Dress up as characters from a favorite book or movie. Then act out some scenes!
Spell words with glow sticks in your yard or driveway.
Create Halloween art with sidewalk chalk.
Paint each others’ faces or color each other’s hair.
Have a family sleepover in your living room or under the stars.
Host a pumpkin carving contest. View each others’ pumpkins from a safe distance and choose the most creative, most realistic, spookiest, etc. Winners get unopened bags of candy.
Have a family bake-off, making all kinds of Halloween treats.
If you and your co-parent disagree about how to stay safe
Consider honoring the wishes of the more cautious parent. Missing some activities this year won’t harm your child. And being on the same page with your co-parent reduces your child’s anxiety.
In fact, missing out can even be helpful. As long as you face it with a growth mindset. See this post for more about managing the effects of social distancing on your kids.
What If you are the more cautious parent? Consider making some requests. Use I statements to share what you’d like to happen.
This might sound like “I know it’s important to you to trick-or-treat this year. It’s making me really worried. Would you mind going to fewer houses (whatever action makes you feel safer) as a compromise?”
Learn more about using this strategy in this post. Or this one that’s specific to COVID-19 disagreements. And keep your eye on the goal: a safe and happy child.
Finally, if you live apart and can’t agree, focus on what you can control. You can’t decide what happens at the other parent’s house. Consider what makes you feel safest in your own house, and do it.
If you could use some parenting support to manage all that 2020 brings, request an appointment to see how good it feels to be proud of your quarantine parenting.
