How to Survive an Election Year with Your Family's Mental Health Intact
The presidential election is almost here. You may have even voted by mail already. As the big day gets closer, the tension is rising.
This is a time of heightened anxiety for everyone. And we all handle it differently. This can create conflict.
You might feel a sense of betrayal. When your partner or family member doesn’t agree. Or simply doesn’t handle the situation like you do.
You may feel disregarded, disrespected, or even endangered. Your partner and family are showing you how they cope with stress.
They may cope by seeking control. (We all do, to an extent.) Or by limiting their awareness.
They may do yoga. Work out more. Drink extra coffee and work extra hard.
They may cope with alcohol. Or drugs. Or a spending spree.
If another person’s coping has you worried, it’s time for a talk. If the election conflict is hurting your relationship, it’s time to talk too.
Set aside time to give the conversation your full attention. Don’t interrupt your partner’s telework or try to multitask.
Ask your partner (or parent or sibling) to listen. “I want to tell you why this matters to me. It would help me if you could just listen and not respond yet. Ok?”
Use I statements and emotion words to explain how you feel. I feel when because .
Be as specific as you can about your emotions. And don’t end the sentence with “because you are…” If it’s hard to think of emotion words, click here for a list!
For example “I feel anxious and afraid when we argue about the election. Because I worry that we won’t like each other afterward. And I don’t want that.”
Maybe you are afraid that the election results will hurt you. That you won’t be able to travel. Or afford medical care. Or raise your children where you want to.
That’s easier to understand than “you CAN’T vote that way. It will destroy our country!” Or “you don’t care about my rights!”
Maybe it scares you when your partner gets angry about politics. “I feel nervous when you shout at the tv. It makes me worry that you could shout at me like that.”
Team up to meet both people’s needs. You could go for a walk during the debates. And miss the shouting.
You could ask your partner to support you. In advocating for the rights you are afraid of losing. No matter who wins the election.
Be curious. Remember that your partner of family member is also feeling fearful. And trying to do what they think is best.
Ask “tell me more about that. Do you think there’s a way to have a country where we can both have the things that matter to us?”
If the answer is no, try “I’d like to stay close to each other even though we disagree. Do you think we can do that?”
Remember that you can’t control another person’s choices. (And you wouldn’t want them to control yours.) Focus on following your own guidelines yourself.
You may need to snooze the other person on social media or limit contact right now. If hearing from that person is making you too anxious. Explain clearly why you are making that choice (using I statements).
Suggest a way to reconnect after the election. Or another way to stay connected now. Find a hobby or activity to do together.
It’s important to respond with openness to others too. See how in this post about hard conversations with family or friends.
When to seek family therapy
If you try the above strategies a few times. And conflict continues to escalate. Talk to someone to figure out what is blocking your growth.
If you want to practice these skills. With the guidance of a licensed professional. And have family members do it together.
Or if your family has the same fights over and over. And can’t seem to stop. Especially if family members try to hurt one another during the fight.
When to try marriage or premarital counseling
If any of the above statements are true in your marriage. Try couples therapy. (You don’t have to be married.)
If you are seeing the patterns described above in your family. Or your partner’s family. And you’d like to learn other ways to handle conflict in your relationship.
Call us to access therapy online, from Montgomery County or anywhere in Maryland! Or in our Kensington office when in-person counseling is safe.
Decreased sense of control increases the risk of aggression. And many people are feeling out of control right now. If conflicts become threatening or physical, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support.
