Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Self-care strategies from a Maryland therapist can help you navigate grief during the holidays
This September marks two years since I lost my grandma to cancer. I was fortunate to spend those last few weeks with her, surrounded by family and friends. My mom, sisters, and I stayed up late one of those nights decorating her 10-foot Christmas tree with ornaments that she’d collected over the years.
Losing my grandma was hard and I still experience the roller coaster of emotions around anniversaries and holidays. Incorporating remembrance and self-care has helped me navigate the holidays better and honor her memory. This article explores different ways you can remember and honor your loved one during this time.
Why grief surfaces during the holidays
My first Christmas without my grandma was exceptionally challenging. This was during the peak of the pandemic, and my wife and I had just tested positive for COVID-19. Quarantining during the holidays was difficult, but losing a loved one during this time certainly amplified those emotions.
Emphasis on togetherness
The holidays are a time associated with joy, celebration, and togetherness. For someone who has lost a loved one, this can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and sadness.
Changes in family dynamics
The pain of losing someone you love can feel overwhelming, especially around the holidays. This absence can change the dynamics of family gatherings, making it a constant reminder of the person who is no longer present. Even though there is one less place setting at the dinner table, this does not mean that your loved one is entirely gone or forgotten.
Traditions and memories
Holiday traditions and activities may be closely tied to memories of the person who is no longer there. It’s normal to feel a desire for your loved one to be a part of these moments. We have the ability to carry the essence of our loved ones throughout our day-to-day lives. This can create continuity despite the empty place setting.
Our therapists’ best strategies for navigating the holidays after losing a loved one
Here are a few strategies that may help you and your family navigate this holiday season.
For grief support for tweens and teens, try this post as well.
Acknowledge and express emotions
It’s important to acknowledge and express feelings of grief. Grief can surface at the holidays whether it’s the first holiday without your loved one, or the 50th. Practice self acceptance and feel what you feel.
It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, and expressing them can be a healthy part of the grieving process. This can be particularly challenging for children. Books are a wonderful way to help them navitage grief better. Books provide a safe space for children to explore and express their feelings, helping them navigate the complex and often overwhelming emotions associated with grief. “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst and “The Memory Box: A Book About Grief” by Joanna Rowland are a few of my favorites.
Create a support system
Building a strong support system is important for overall well-being, especially during challenging times. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand and respect your grief. Share your feelings with those you trust and let them know how they can support you during this time.
Take care of yourself
Pay attention to self-care. Make sure to get enough rest, eat healthy, and engaged in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. These are foundational to your well-being and can help you manage stress.
Honor and Remember
Find ways to honor and remember your loved one. This includes creating a memorial, lighting a candle, or participating in activities that celebrate their life and the positive memories you shared. While the pain of loss may never disappear, celebrating their life can help shift the focus from the sorrow of their passing to the joy of the moments shared and the impact they had on the lives around them.
My grandma is, even posthumously, one of my biggest advocates. Celebrating her life brings me a sense of closeness and connection. One of my last memories of my grandma was getting to surprise her with “Christmas in September.” My mom, sisters, and I stayed up late decorating her 10-foot Christmas tree with ornaments that she’d collected over the years. It’s moments like these that contribute to a rich tapestry of memories and help keep the spirit of loved ones alive.
