Managing Anxiety about College Applications

An expert anxiety therapist in Maryland shares tips for parents and teens in the DC area and beyond

The teen tips come first, so parents should scroll down to find their section. Get ready to feel better!

It's completely normal to feel stressed about college applications. We’re willing to bet all your friends are feeling stressed too! Luckily there are strategies you can use to keep your anxiety in check. Here are some suggestions from licensed anxiety therapists in Maryland.

Stress management tips for teens thinking about college

1. Know Yourself:

   • You know yourself better than anyone. Think about how much time you can spend on college applications, and when you’ll spend that time. Schedule reminders in your phone or on a calendar, and forget about it the rest of the time!

     Pro tip from anxiety therapists:

   • This one comes first for a reason. Deciding what you want in a school (good vegan food? LGBTQIA+ friendly campus? a great team in your favorite sport?) can help narrow down your list of schools. And it’s super important. If you’re going away for college, you’re choosing a home AND a school all at once.

   • You might have to visit some schools to get an idea of what you do or don’t like. If you visit a place that feels right to you, trust yourself and apply.
     

2. Aim for Balance:

   • It’s ok to apply to just a few schools, as long as those schools seem like a good fit for you. Don’t stop doing the things you like to do. Striking a balance between work and relaxation is important for your mental health.

     If you’re neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, or just neurospicy):

   • Your balance might include keeping your life as routine and predictable as possible during this extra stressful time. Keep the things that comfort you handy when working on those applications!

   • Try sensory strategies to ground yourself when the stress takes over. You know what works for you. Use it!
     

3. Break It Down:

   • Divide the application process into smaller, more manageable tasks. Create a checklist and set realistic deadlines for each component.

     Tip for teens with ADHD:

   • This part might be harder for you. You know yourself best. If you need help planning long assignments, you’ll need help with this too. Ask your school counselor or another adult you trust.
     

4. Ask People Who Know:

   • Talk to your school counselor or a teacher for advice on the college application process. They can give you a general idea of how many schools to apply to, and tell you when to do what. They can also tell you when your fears or goals aren’t realistic.
     

5. Don’t Expect to Be Perfect:

   • Did you know that colleges don't expect perfection? If they did, they’d have no students! To have the best chance of getting in, try to pick colleges that seem to have students with GPAs and test scores like yours. Know that you won’t get in everywhere, and that’s completely normal.

   • If you find yourself struggling to feel self confident, try these strategies to believe in yourself a little more.

6. Focus on What You Can Control:

   • Concentrate on parts of the application that you can control, such as writing a strong personal statement, asking for your recommendation letters, and preparing for the SAT or ACT (if you’re taking them. Many schools don’t require them anymore).
     

7. Use Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques:

   • Practice mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation to help reduce anxiety. Spotify can provide guided sessions. But you can also just take a walk, noticing the colors or the sounds you find along the way.
     

8. Try Exercise:

   • Exercise definitely can help. Add it to your daily schedule if you can. Be sure to do something that’s fun for you. If it’s boring, you won’t do it! It might feel like there’s no time for exercise. If you’re feeling too busy to try, consider using voice to text on your phone to brainstorm essay ideas while you walk, run, or stretch.

9. Talk to Your Parents (yes, really):

   • Have an open and honest conversation with your parents about how hard this is. Tell them whether you want them to listen, or do something specific to help. (Parents often guess wrong on this one!)

   • Parents need reassurance too. Let them know you’re handling it (or be honest that you’re not). Let them know that you are working on your college applications and that their support means a lot to you. Share your progress and plans. This should help get them off your back.
     

10. Consider Therapy or Counseling:

    • If your anxiety is affecting you every day, it’s time to consider therapy. Never been to therapy before? It’s better than you think. You’ll get to talk about what stresses you out, and get ideas for how to handle it. Your therapist won’t judge, and will keep your worries private. Find our teen therapists here.

11. Practice Asking Questions:

    • It sounds scary at first, but you can call college admissions offices and ask ANYTHING about the school. The people there are usually friendly and helpful, and you don’t even have to tell them your name. Ask a few questions just for practice. You’ll be more ready when you have something you really want to know.

Remember that it's okay to ask for help and take breaks when needed. College applications can be overwhelming, but with a little support and self-care, you can get it done.

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I’m anxious about my child’s college applications. What do I do? Tips for parents from a Maryland anxiety therapist.

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It's natural to feel stressed about your child's college application process. Everything has changed since you applied (IF you applied). You’ve heard that college is harder to get into than ever. And more expensive. And you aren’t so sure your teen is ready to handle filling out forms.

These worries are 100% normal. And managing your own anxiety in this moment lays the foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship in the next stage. We know that’s a lot of pressure. And we have tools to help.

Strategies for keeping your cool while your teen applies to college

1. Acknowledge and Accept Emotions (Yours and Theirs):

   • It's okay to feel worried. Acknowledging and accepting these emotions (to yourself) can be the first step in managing them. Avoid suppressing your feelings, but try not to let them control your actions.

     Regulating your emotions when you have ADHD

   • If you have ADHD your worries can hijack your focus. Try these tips for keeping worry thoughts under control with a neurodivergent brain.

2. Educate Yourself (a little):

   • Learn about the college application process, but don't overwhelm yourself with unnecessary details. Understand the basics so you can provide informed support, and then stop researching! Remember that doing this part on their own helps prepare your student for college work.

   • Grown and Flown can help you educate yourself about the emotional process of sending a kid off to college, and give practical advice for this time in your life.

3. Practice Self-Care:

   • Don’t sacrifice your me time to cram in extra time with your child. (Even though you’re going to miss them so much!) Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This can help you maintain perspective and resilience so that the time you do have together is less stressful.

4. Remember that You’ve Done Your Job (and accept that they’ll learn the rest later):

   • Now is the time when we start to panic as parents. We wonder if we’ve done enough. It feels like we’re almost out of time to teach them everything! Remember that you’ve been sharing wisdom with your child for years. Now is actually the time to show them you believe in their ability to use it on their own.

5. Stay Connected:

   • Stay in touch with the people who love and support you. Be open about what you’re going through. Connection supports emotion regulation, and you’re going to need those relationships in the year to come.

6. Access Support:

   If your worry is affecting your well-being or your relationship with your child, counseling or therapy can make a big difference. Here are a few good options.

   Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety can be effective in helping individuals manage anxiety by changing negative thought patterns.

   SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is an evidence-based treatment for childhood anxiety. While it's not directly designed for parental anxiety about college applications, its principles, such as reducing overinvolvement and fostering independence, can help you know what to do if you’re feeling anxious yourself.

7 additional ways to support your teen’s independence in the college application process

1. Set Realistic Expectations:

• It’s appropriate to have expectations of your teen in this process. Be clear about what they are, and be careful not to expect perfection.

• If you expect certain steps in the process completed by a certain date, say so. If you’re planning to help financially, be clear about how much and under what conditions. It’s up to your child to choose schools with those details in mind.

2. Define Your Role:

   • Clarify your role in the application process. Let them know what you could do to help and when they’ll need to ask in order for you to be available. (You won’t write their essay, and you won’t edit it the day it’s due.)

3. Ask Rather than Answer:

• Ask how they’re feeling about the process, what they’re hoping for, and what they’d like to share. Then listen. If you have an idea that you think could help, ask if they’d like an idea before jumping in.Encourage Independent Decision Making.

4. Accept Your Teen’s “No”:

• If you offer to give a suggestion or help with a task and they say no, accept it. At this developmental stage it’s their job to figure out what they do and don’t need. And it’s yours to figure out how to let them do it on their own (even if they’re learning by trial and error).

5. Encourage Self-Awareness and Self-Advocacy:

• Support your child in figuring out what they need, and advocating for it. Help them develop the skills to communicate with teachers, counselors, and admissions officers, fostering independence in the process.

6. Encourage Balance:

   • Emphasize the importance of balance in your child's life. While college applications are important, so is maintaining a healthy lifestyle, engaging in extracurricular activities, and spending time with friends and family.

7. Seek Guidance from Professionals:

   • Our area has many college counselors and coaches available for hire. Find some on the WISER-DC resource list. A good coach should be advising rather than managing your child’s application process. Be sure to ask your child first whether they’d like this kind of help.

Remember that the college application process is a shared journey between you and your child. Providing support, encouragement, and maintaining a healthy balance can contribute to a positive experience for both of you. If you find your family struggling at this time, we’re here to help you grow.

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