Step Away from the Check-Out!
A Maryland ADHD Therapist shares 5 tips to manage problem shopping during the holidays
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…for shopping. Black Friday! Cyber Monday! Holiday Gift Guides from every publication! And what about the POST-Holiday markdowns? With online shopping, it’s easy to buy almost anything without ever leaving your bed. But the ease and fun of online shopping can quickly lead to thoughtless over-consumption. The holiday shopping season can be a minefield for those who struggle with over-spending and impulse buying. For adults with ADHD, this season can be especially challenging.
ADHD can amplify impulsive shopping habits…and their consequences
Problematic online shopping is common among people with ADHD, who already struggle with poor planning, impulsivity, and other executive functioning challenges. The rush of an easy, one-click purchase is the instant reward the dopamine-starved ADHD brain craves. When we buy something, a flood of dopamine and adrenaline triggers powerfully positive feelings throughout our bodies.
But like alcohol, food and drugs, online shopping can become problematic when it becomes a crutch for dopamine stimulation. The initial feeling of novelty, excitement and pleasure can quickly give way to remorse, financial insecurity and shame. Relationships become further strained with financial secrecy and debt, shame cycles deepen, and already-overtaxed budgeting skills are overwhelmed.
6 strategies to manage shopping with ADHD
Luckily, there are ways to manage shopping impulsivity and minimize the negative consequences for people with ADHD.
#1: Delay, Delay, Delay
The most dangerous element of online shopping for those of us given to impulsivity is the speed of the process. Before you have a moment to think about whether you really need those new shoes, you’ve clicked buy.
Instead, put items you like in your cart, close the tab, and walk away for at least 24 hours. Changing your context allows you to breathe, access your thinking brain, and consider the purchase thoughtfully. Sometimes, time away from the cart is all you need. If you forget almost immediately about the things you wanted moments ago, it’s a good sign you shouldn’t buy it. Close the tab and pivot to another activity that gives you joy.
#2: Use a shopping accountability buddy
Many who struggle with problem shopping do so in secret. Purchases are made without consulting partners, boxes arrive and are hidden away. This secrecy can lead to a shame that can be especially hard for those with ADHD. Their shame is reinforced with every secret purchase. An online shopping habit becomes yet another private shame to hide from others.
Instead, bring potential purchases to an accountability buddy. Ask your partner if they think the purchase makes sense. Admit to a friend when you need help stepping away from the keyboard. By bringing light to the process, you avoid the shame of secrecy.
#3: Remember: it’s not you, it’s the algorithm
It’s easy to feel gullible in the aftermath of an online shopping spree, which can lead to damaging shame cycles. Instead of beating yourself up, remember that e-commerce sites are carefully and consciously constructed to encourage buying. In the same way that video games are designed to keep people playing for hours on end (don’t leave now, you’ll lose your progress!) online marketplaces are designed to trigger buying (only 6 hours left for our biggest savings of the year!!) Billions have been spent on understanding consumer psychology and the most effective tools to encourage spending.
Falling into a pattern of online spending does not reveal a deep personal failing, but a predictable response to carefully designed stimulus. By understanding the structure and design of e-commerce sites, you can free yourself from unnecessary self-recrimination. Giving yourself compassion allows for more clarity and purposeful action.
#4: Develop other coping strategies
For those with ADHD, online shopping stimulates extra— and needed— dopamine. Once this is understood, you can act to replace it with activities that can bring similar pleasure…without a price tag. Create a menu of activities that make you feel good, and engage in one when tempted to engage in online shopping. Exercise, make art or listen to music, meditate, or explore other ways to find a greater sense of well-being.
#5: Just say NO to sale alerts, marketing emails & saved card information; say YES to plans and reminders
Unsubscribe from emails and texts designed to encourage buying. Use timers and executive function tools to limit time online, especially on sites that are filled with e-commerce links, like Instagram. Do not save any financial information on sites you frequent; needing to enter card information slows down the process and works to discourage impulse buys.
Take time to work on executive functioning designed for neurodivergent folks. Create monthly spending goals or challenges— gamifying the budget process can make it more interesting and fun for ADHD brains. Consider using sticky notes on or near your computer to remind yourself of your goals. Set up phone reminders set to interrupt mindless scrolling. If there are certain sites that always seem to trigger impulse buying, block them.
Our expert ADHD therapists can help you understand and manage problem behaviors like over-spending. Learn more here.
Compulsive shopping, impulse buying, and other problem behaviors are tremendously common, especially among women and those with ADHD. Working with a licensed therapist can help you to understand your motivations, find healthier coping strategies, and move past shame to a more confident you.
