A Maryland therapist explains how you can tell

Sometimes, we get into relationships not knowing what to expect.  You may think you have found the “perfect partner” early on the relationship.  After three to six months pass, then this “perfect partner” starts showing signs of toxicity that can become very damaging and emotionally abusive.

“Toxic” technically means poisonous. It’s something that does you harm. A relationship should never feel so taxing, uncomfortable or unstable. Here are some signs it’s toxic.

Maryland therapists say you may be in a toxic relationship if you experience these.

1.)     Love Bombing- The beginning

This “perfect partner” individual may participate in what is called “Love Bombing.” This can consist of showing excessive attention, showering someone with compliments, and/or excessive gift giving.

So what is the point of love bombing early on the relationship? Often individuals who participate in love bombing understand that this can potentially “trap” someone into the relationship. It may seem that the relationship is all butterflies and rainbows in the beginning, but eventually there is a point where the love bombing stops and you see the person for who they actually are.

What is dangerous about love bombing, is that some people may be more likely to stay in the relationship even if things get bad because they want the “old partner” back. Unfortunately, the love bomber was never the partner’s authentic self.

2.)     Gaslighting

Expressing your feelings to your partner is essential to a healthy relationship. People who are in toxic relationships may find that they are being undermined or invalidated constantly. Especially if their partner constantly “gaslights” them.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates the narrative to get another person to question their own judgment or sanity. People who gaslight often try to shift the blame and deny any wrongdoing. Especially when it comes to cheating or other shameful behavior.

A partner who is gaslighting you may tell you that an event never happened. Even though you saw it yourself. When this happens over and over, you may begin to doubt your own perception. You might wonder whether you remember things accurately. This questioning is the goal of gaslighting.

 3.)     Control

Individuals in toxic relationships may find that their partners engage in controlling behaviors. This often includes isolating the partner from family and friends. This isolation increases codependence in the relationship, even if the partner has toxic tendencies. The toxic partner thereby can exert more control, especially if the other partner does not have a support system.

A controlling partner may also try to control access to money or important documents, sabotage the partner’s job or work performance, or dictate how the partner should dress.

These are some of the many signs of a toxic relationship.  A toxic relationship could contribute to feelings of worthlessness and a lower sense of self. A toxic partner may make it seem like you may not find happiness elsewhere and say things like “No one will love me as much as I do.”

What to do if you’re in a toxic relationship

If you are struggling either after or during a toxic relationship, you may want to consider the following:

1.)     Self-Care:  Think about some things you can do to help you understand and grow your self-worth. Is it exercise? Is it art?

2.)     Support System: Growing your support system or reconnecting with others who bring positivity in your life is super important. The people in your close support system are usually the first ones to see whether or not you are happy.

3.)     Therapy: Therapy can help you process through your current and/or past feelings being in an unhealthy relationship. Therapy can also help you develop skills to maintain your mental health in the future.

Maryland therapists can help

Remember that a free 15 minute consult with a therapist is exactly that: free! A therapist will let you know right away if he/she/they has concerns about your safety in the relationship. And they’ll point you to resources that can help keep you safe.

Therapists can also help you heal from past relationships. So that you spot the warning signs quickly next time. And build new relationships that aren’t toxic.

If you’re ready to build better, stronger, non-toxic relationships, reach out today. Our therapists can help you heal from the past and grow into the future you deserve.