4 Must-Have Parenting Tools for ADHD Parents
Parenting with ADHD is hard!
Parenting experts always say “be consistent.” We know it’s not that simple. ADHD makes us consistently inconsistent. And consistency with ADHD kids still yields inconsistent results!
So how do we make our ADHD families the best that they can be? Whether ADHD affects you, your parenting partner, or both, these tools will help get everyone on the same page.
Our Maryland therapists suggest using these tools to make it easier.
Creativity/Humor.
This is one of your ADHD superpowers. Let’s use it! Give your kids rhyming instructions. Or ridiculous ones. “Please give the dog a piggy back ride. Then brush your teeth.”
Dress up in costumes for homework time. Clean up your room by wearing all of the clothes from the floor. See how many cups you can collect from around the house… the tallest stack wins!
A favorite in our house is the laundry war. The kids sort a big pile of mixed laundry by throwing their sibling’s clothes at them. Yes, you need a clean floor for this one. And a “watch out for buckles” rule. But they love the chance to throw things at each other.
Automated reminders
“Alexa, tell the kids to eat breakfast.” Whether it’s Google home, Alexa, or Siri, these systems can be set in advance to deliver reminders later. We used this tool to get our ADHD middle schooler out the door in the morning. Automated task prompts for getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. kept him moving. And kept us out of earshot for his grumpy responses.
As a parent with ADHD, this is an especially important tool. Automating task reminders for your ADHD kids) frees you up to focus when you need to. And automating reminders for yourself keeps you from missing parenting tasks while you’re hyper-focused on something else.
An on duty/off duty schedule
As a parent, you’re never really off duty. Unless you schedule it. And scheduling it is exactly what we recommend. Give each parent at least one “night off.” Whatever happens on that night, the other parent takes care of it. (And the off duty parent resists the urge to jump in.)
Obviously there are exceptions. You’ll show up for an ER visit even on your night off. Or you’ll reschedule now and then because 2 kids need to be 2 different places at the exact same time. But pick a night that doesn’t typically have those conflicts (cut back on your activities if there aren’t any). And do your best to stick to it weekly.
This is a good plan for all parents. But it’s essential for parents who have ADHD themselves. For 2 reasons. First, the constant interruptions and task demands of parenting are especially exhausting when you have ADHD. it’s a lot of task switching. You need breaks. And time to just follow your train of thought wherever it goes.
Second, having a time when you are consistently in charge makes it easier to step in at other times. Managing tasks alone on your partner’s night off will be a well rehearsed routine for you. You’ll jump into that routine more easily when your partner is sick or traveling for work.
Bonus: Less micromanaging. Seeing you handle parenting on your own will help your partner trust that you can handle it. (As long as you resist the temptation to ask your partner for instructions). And more trust might just lead to more… um… couple time.
Flexibility
Relax your expectations (of yourself and others) and just do what works for you. Laundry CAN be kept in laundry baskets. If that’s what usually happens, let go of the shame and go with it. If coats don’t make it to the closet, put hooks where they usually land instead.
Your partner may argue against this one. We all like things to feel organized. And hooks in the dining room might feel out of place to him/her/them. A therapist who specializes in ADHD can help your partner understand the need for an ADHD-friendly lifestyle. And help both of you meet in the middle.
Our Maryland therapists offer treatment for adult ADHD. So you can be your best parenting self. Superpowers and all.
And so you and your parenting partner can be the best possible team. If you and/or your parenting partner could use some support, click here to schedule a consultation.
