The Gifts We Need the Most

Gift giving season is upon us!  At this time and throughout the year, we encourage families to think about what they would truly most like to give and receive.    In addition to your holiday lists filled with toys and gadgets (those are fun too), consider asking for just one thing that would truly increase your happiness.  These are usually the things that are on our minds at red lights or as we fall asleep at night, the things we talk to our friends about or go on an angry rant in our heads about.  Asking for them directly has a way of bringing out our goodwill toward one another, and just might be the step forward your family needs.   Here are some examples from families we know.

Holiday Wishes to Parents from Children

• Read me one more story at bedtime.

• Fight less.

• Teach me to bake cookies.

• Put out spooky decorations at Halloween next year.

• Snuggles!!!

• Paint with me.

• Put away your phone.

To Children from Parents

• A magic word that makes you do what I asked the first time.

• Show kindness to your siblings.

• Get yourself ready when it’s time to go.

• Pack your own lunch.

• Screech less, whisper more.

• Be a team with me.

From Partners to One Another

• Understand that I don’t mean to hurt your feelings.

• Have a date night with me every week/month.

• Just listen. You don’t have to fix it.

• Back me up when I handle something differently than you would. I’m doing my best.

• Do __________ in bed (not something your partner has already said is off limits).

• Come to bed with me, even if you aren’t going to sleep until later.

• Try therapy with me.

Holiday Wishes Between Siblings

• Don’t call me names.

• Ask before you take my stuff.

• Let me have a turn when I ask for one.

• Knock before you come into my room.

• Be quieter in the morning so I can keep sleeping.

• Stop saying potty words.

The best requests are future oriented (do this NEXT time) and don’t place blame for past actions.   They are reasonable and realistic (asking someone to do something more or less often rather than never) and take into account the abilities of the person you’re asking.  For example, a child with ADHD or executive function difficulties may have trouble fulfilling a wish to manage assignments independently or get ready on time daily.   Consider what the next small step toward the goal might be, and ask for that.

Happy Holidays to your family from ours!