Mother's Day Mental Health Tips from a Therapist Mom
Holidays can be challenging times, and Mother’s Day is no exception. If your Mother’s Day is simply a joyful moment, skip to the part about your mental health. If not, this post is for you.
When Nothing is Planned for You on Mother’s Day
It’s a paradox. The day that celebrates the person who plans all the celebrations. What we want most is for someone else to plan it. Right?
But it doesn’t go well. Our expectations aren’t met. And it hurts. That voice in your head says once again “do I have to do everything around here?”
Maybe not. But that change starts long before (and continues long after) Mother’s Day. When we try to switch roles just for a holiday, we all end up frustrated and disappointed.
So just for now, let’s take care of ourselves. And think about what we want for the future.
Coping with Loss on Mother’s Day
If you have lost your mother, or never had the kind of mother you needed, there is a hole in your heart on Mother’s Day. And that is ok. Even if you are truly grateful for what you have, these losses still hurt.
If you have lost a child (before or after birth), Mother’s Day can also hurt. Honor the parts of yourself that have grown as a result of being a mother. And do what feels right for you on this day.
Take some time to heal yourself a little. Consider adding a small ritual to honor the mother or child you’ve lost. Write a poem or create art. Buy flowers and place them in a special spot just for them.
Whether you do these things privately or with others, making space for your losses honors your whole self on Mother’s Day. The parts you’d like to show, and those you’d rather be able to forget.
When Your Relationship with Mom is Complicated
If your relationship with your mother brings pain, consider writing a letter or journal entry about what you want or need and aren’t getting. You don’t need to send it. It’s for your healing.
If you’re seeing Mom on Mother’s Day despite the complications, choose how you’d like to be with her. Use your values (not her reactions) as a guide for how to behave. Set time limits on the visit if you need to.
And if the day still feels too stressful, take a quick break and try this strategy.
(To start changing your relationships in adulthood, we recommend reading Growing Yourself Up by Jenny Brown. You’ll be surprised at what changing small relationship habits can do.)
Manage Your Mother’s Day Mental Health (Yourself)
If you are a mother or have a mother, today is about you! Make the most of it. And when things don’t go as they would with you in charge, resist the temptation to take over.
Spend the day with a favorite person or pet. Relax alone if you’d prefer. Enjoy some sunshine (or music or art).
To do this you’ll need to communicate with those around you. Try “this Mother’s Day, I’d really like to…” Your family might already have other plans for you. Discuss how you might do both.
Create the Family Life You Want
Finally, consider what you might want the next Mother’s Day (or birthday) to look like. And start building it now. Ask clearly for what you want and need.
If your partner or family seems to have trouble meeting that need, consider how you could shift daily habits to give them some more practice.
For example… if you’d like dinner cooked for you, a partner who’s already in charge of dinner every Wednesday will feel more prepared to do it.
Want the kids to clean up and organize? Work on those skills little by little. Help your kids shop thoughtfully for gifts or write messages in cards for other family members. When the time comes, they’ll be ready to do it for you.
