5 Ways to Improve Emotional Regulation
Tips from a Maryland therapist for anxiety and neurodivergence (in adults, kids, teens, and families)
Emotional regulation is a topic that comes up often in our offices. Parents call us feeling overwhelmed by the daily stress of parenting. Or for strategies to help their kids handle big feelings. Our ADHD friends might get hyperfocused on a problem at work or school. Our autistic neighbors have a lot of emotions to manage when their environment becomes irritating.
What is emotional regulation?
Emotional regulation are ways of gently bringing ourselves back to peace and calm when we feel highly dysregulated. Dysregulation can include feeling anxious, stressed and generally frazzled.
How does dysregulation occur? Is it the same as anxiety?
Dysregulation can occur for a number of reasons. Say that you thought you were done with your work. Then your boss decides to give you extra work right before you’re supposed to clock out. For most people this unexpected event causes stress because 1) it is unexpected and 2) people tend to interpret having more work negatively (for valid reasons).
Dysregulation occurs based on how people react to the event. For some, the above scenario is a minor annoyance and causes irritation but not too much anxiety. For others, this new event could put them into a state of anger, annoyance, and anxiety. Those events from the scenario are interpreted differently from person to person. Based on the way we interpret stressors we can become highly dysregulated or not dysregulated at all.
How do I improve emotional regulation?
That’s a great question! Improving your emotional regulation takes daily practice. But that practice isn’t so difficult. Here are easy 5 ways to start improving your emotional regulation.
Talk to someone you trust
When you feel frazzled or emotionally dysregulated, relying on your support system is a huge way to increase your emotional regulation. Talk to a trusted friend anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour (if you both have the time!). Touching base with another person can help increase emotional regulation.
In fact, our Maryland therapists encourage you to make it a practice! It has been shown that people often feel less stress after talking to another person. Make it a habit to touch base with friends you feel a sense of calm with on a daily to weekly basis.
Exercise, especially if you are neurodivergent
We Maryland therapists can’t stress this one enough. Exercise is a huge way to increase emotional regulation and decrease emotional dysregulation. Bonus: it also helps manage ADHD symptoms. And gets you out of your head and back into your body.
Exercise has been shown to decrease stress, increase energy levels and overall boost health. When you have more energy and less stress you are able to relate to the world around you with more emotional regulation. In other words, you have more of yourself to give because you are taking care of yourself.
Adults don’t have as much time built into their day as kids to exercise. It’s important - especially if you have a desk job - to carve out time to exercise. Walk on the treadmill for ten minutes. Jump rope and get your heart pumping for five minutes. Garden. Bike. Take a walk. Give yourself a habit to increase your health and emotional regulation skills each day or week.
Go outside
Everyone benefits from having Vitamin D in their system. Taking a moment to enjoy the sun (and the start of some beautiful weather in the DMV these days) is vital to emotional regulation.
Even without the sun, it can be important to go outside. Staying stuck in your house - a habit created in a post-pandemic world - can increase the feeling of restlessness. It’s important to take breaks to go outside. Maybe put your feet in the grass. Grass and dirt not for you? Take a moment to simply sit outside and observe. Give yourself
Distract yourself (use DBT skills)
This is a wonderful DBT skill. What is DBT? It is Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. It is a type of therapy that helps you change and regulate your behaviors to regulate your emotions.
Distracting yourself is one of the core components of DBT. Distracting yourself (part of ACCEPTS, an acronym to help people increase coping skills) is a huge part of emotion regulation.
Feeling overwhelmed by everything and everyone? It’s okay to stick your head in a book, or glue yourself to the TV for a set period of time. Our Maryland therapists recommend anywhere from a half-hour to an hour, and to stick with the timing. Sometimes it’s a matter of decreasing our distress towards the thing we’re distressed about - not solving it or working to process our feelings.
Limit your screen time
It’s hard to put the screens away — people are hardwired to pay attention to the screen. And although it can be helpful to distract yourself (see the above ways to emotionally regulate) it can be important to limit the amount of time you spend on the screen especially at night.
Experts recommend turning off screens two hours before you sleep. That way your brain gets a rest from all the stimulation of the screen and it means that you get a good night’s sleep. Good night’s sleep = more regulation = happier you. If that’s not realistic for you, look for times when you reach for a screen because of boredom or stress, and choose one of the first 3 strategies from this list to use instead.
May is Mental Health Month…the perfect time to start feeling better!
We have a full calendar of quick stress-busting activities to boost your emotional regulation. Find them here. We’re ready to help you build your personal toolbox of strategies too. Meet our therapists and discover our services here.
Like this blog and want more helpful tips? Sign up for our monthly newsletter.
