Managing Your Child’s Video Gaming
Since being quoted in Washingtonian Magazine’s article on Fortnite, we’ve gotten some calls from parents wanting our thoughts about their child’s screen time. Decisions about screen time are one of our generation’s greatest parenting challenges. The rapid changes in children’s use of technology leave us worrying that we might expose our children to something with consequences we don’t yet understand. The American Academy of Pediatrics has issued age appropriate guidelines for children’s screen time, but many parents remain worried about the impact of video games in particular. The hard truth is that good research is done slowly and meticulously, in contrast to the rapid pace of development of new games. There is much that we do not and will not know, and our parenting decisions are made in this imperfect environment. So what do we do? Let’s start with a few key points about human development.
We know that children need physical play in natural environments (where the ground isn’t flat, the temperature isn’t constant, and sights and sounds are somewhat unpredictable). This type of play is necessary for complete development of the sensory system, muscles and joints, and brain.
We also know that motor movements (such as texting or dancing) become easier when we practice them over and over again. These shifts are not just physical but neurological, as well rehearsed behaviors achieve something called “automaticity,” meaning that they occur without engaging the thought processes we used to originally learn them.
Emotional and cognitive processes can also be rehearsed to automaticity. Psychotherapy works by rehearsing new processes to replace unhelpful ones that are already automatic. There is some research to indicate that cognitive processes (such as regulation of attention) can also be improved by use of video games specifically designed to rehearse these functions. Keep in mind that this behavioral rehearsal is limited to what we are doing physiologically while playing the game. In other words, playing Mario Kart is likely to make us better at Mario Kart, but doesn’t impact our driving.
Children learn social skills and develop a positive sense of self by interacting with parents, siblings, and other children. Nonverbal cues are an important tool in this process and these skills are not developed as effectively by phone or in other contexts that lack visual and physical contact.
These 4 pieces of information can be used to give us some guidance in our parental decision making about video games. They tell us that physical play, quality time with family, and unstructured play with peers should remain the highest priorities regardless of our children’s other activities. They underscore the importance of practicing the skills and psychological patterns we most want to develop and hint that we should be careful about practicing anything we hope not to repeat. At first glance this looks like a mandate to trade in 100% of our screen time for outdoor play, but modern parents know these choices are much more nuanced. These are our recommendations for striking a balance that works for you and for your child.
Treat gaming like any other new experience. Teach your child what you want her to do and not do, and listen from nearby when she’s trying it out. When you notice missteps, teach her what to do instead. You’ll need to keep the game system where you can see or hear it so you can help her use it properly.
Rehearse positive social behaviors online. Expect your child’s conversations with fellow gamers to follow your usual rules (e.g. no name calling, keep your cool) and be there to remind her of expectations as needed.
Maintain time for in person social interaction and unstructured play, as well as family time. If your family’s schedule doesn’t have enough free time for these activities and gaming (most don’t), consider having blocks of technology-free time on alternating weekdays or on weekends.
Manage your fear and consider your child’s point of view. Don’t take an all-or-nothing stance that gaming is bad without talking it through. Remember that you are teaching decision making skills, so share your concerns clearly and investigate together whether the game really has the effect you fear it will. Playing the game side by side with your child can count as family time, and makes a nice compromise.
Observe the impact on your child specifically. Most video games (with the exception of virtual reality games) continue to maintain the context clues that tell our brains it’s just a game (visual field limited to a flat rectangular space). However as the picture becomes more realistic (graphic details, first person perspective) our individual emotional responses vary more widely, like they do when watching a horror movie. With each technological advance it becomes increasingly important to observe/anticipate your child’s response to game content and make personalized decisions.
Make changes as needed. If you notice changes in mood or behavior that you suspect are linked to game play, talk with your child and develop a plan to change the behavior. You may need to experiment with changing sleep schedules, the timing of game time, or the quantity of other activities to reach a balance that works for your child. And as always, if you become concerned about your child’s emotions or behavior, give us a call. We’re happy to help you determine next steps.
