The Importance of Intentionality in our Relationships

Intentionality is often a concept that escapes most people. We simply don’t think about it. Yet, this very much overlooked concept can mean the world in our relationships. But what exactly is intentionality?

A Maryland therapist explains intentionality

The Oxford Dictionary defines intentional as "done on purpose; deliberate." Intentional relationships require each person to be active rather than passive. It requires parents, partners, siblings, and everyone in between to take action instead of waiting for things to happen. 

Intentionality can be practiced on your own, and in your relationships. So, what does an intentional relationship look like? 

Intentionality is hard work…but it pays off

Intentional relationships are not convenient; they require commitment and trust. Commitment is believing and acting as if your relationship is a lifelong journey. Trust occurs when you know that your loved one acts and thinks to maximize your best interests and benefits, not just their own. 

In this sense, commitment and trust are verbs and require daily actions to let your loved one know you are with them. You take them into consideration when making decisions.

When you are intentional, you portray your loved one in the best possible light. You build them up by acknowledging and emphasizing their positive qualities over negative ones. 

An effective strategy for managing conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Instead of running from it, an intentional relationship runs towards it. In an intentional relationship, you can step outside of yourself amid conflict. You place pride aside and offer that apology. You learn conflict management skills that help you communicate your feelings and needs with your loved one. You choose to communicate through your problems rather than letting the problems win.

Creating rituals of connection

Often it’s so easy for life to get in the way of spending quality time with our loved ones. Rituals of Connection are intentional, consistent, and structured activities you engage in that facilitate connection. 

It’s important to create routines that allow you to connect with your loved ones. There’s no shame in scheduling it! In fact, scheduling time together is a great way to demonstrate intentionality in your relationships.

Take advantage of the moments in the day, no matter how small, to be intentional.

Rather than rushing through breakfast, take 15 minutes to eat and ask about each other's hopes for the day.

Take advantage of your child’s summer break and plan that getaway you’ve been putting off.

Put the phones away at dinner time and eat at the table. Talk, laugh, and enjoy each other's company.

Rituals can help increase intimacy in all our relationships by removing distractions and maintaining closeness. This can be even more helpful in times of conflict because you have created the space to be open and vulnerable with your loved one regularly.

A way to make your relationship last

We grow up, and sometimes we grow apart. It may be that you and your partner feel distant after many years. Maybe you and your child suddenly bicker now that they're a teenager. People drift apart. It’s natural. 

In an intentional relationship, you notice when distance begins to grow, and you care. You take the initiative to combat it. You make your relationship a priority by making time for each other and supporting each other.

Intentional relationships are not easy, but as they say: “nothing worth having comes easy.” It’s rewarding and fulfilling because it creates safety in the relationship. You recognize that your loved one wants the best for you and will do all they can to ensure you receive that. It goes above and beyond love. It’s purposeful and deliberate.

Interested in learning more about intentionality and other relationship skills for yourself or with your loved ones? Book a free consult today to get help tailored to your needs.