How Do You Feel?

I was all set to blog about something else today. When I received THIS!   

We ask our clients often how they feel. And the response is nearly always on this list:

• angry, mad (when these are chronic, family therapy helps)

• sad, hurt, bored (these 3 pop up often in marriage counseling)

• anxious, worried, scared (often why parents seek support for their teens)

• stressed, overwhelmed, confused, frustrated

• happy, excited   

Partners, parents, and children use these words easily. And often get no reaction from family members. Why?

These words are just too general. They don’t tell you enough about the other person’s experience. Or let you really feel what they’re feeling.

If you’re not sure what you’re feeling, you’re not alone!

You can use this wheel of emotions in many ways. But today we suggest you use it to expand your emotional vocabulary.  Find the most specific word you can for how you’re feeling.

Getting your family to listen to you

Try letting those closest to you know how you feel.  Do you see a change in how closely they listen? When you say more than “I’m stressed” or “I’m frustrated?”   

Be sure to explain the context. In which you’re having this feeling. And avoid blaming it on someone else. 

Say “I felt abandoned when you went out without telling me.” Rather than “I felt abandoned because you left.”

And do your best to explain where your reaction comes from.   Does this bring up feelings about something that happened in your past?  Did you need something in that moment that you didn’t get?

You can also grow you child’s emotional vocabulary. Try using some of these words to describe his/her/their experience.   For example, “you were furious when Katie broke your pencil.” 

Choose a few feelings on the wheel. And try to think of situations where they would occur.   Or play feelings charades with the emotion words he/she/they already knows. 

Build a strong vocabulary of emotion words. You and your child (or your partner) will understand each other’s experience better. This paves the way for your relationships to thrive.

Talking about feelings in your relationships (without going to counseling)

This emotion wheel is, of course, only the beginning. Find more information about family communication on our blog. This post explains why it’s important to have the tough conversations with family.

Click here for tips for talking to family if you argue about politics. And here to learn how to have peaceful holidays with family. Follow us on social media to be notified when we post new content.

Enjoy this emotion wheel. And please let us know if you know who made it!   An image search turned up no official citation. 

So whoever you are, thank you for making this tool.  We’d really love to credit you here.