Helping Kids and Teens Process Scary or Sad Events in the Community
Recommendations from an anxiety therapist in Kensington, MD
When a frightening or tragic event happens close to home, families feel the ripple effects in very real ways. Whether children hear the news directly, learn about it through friends and social media, or simply notice the stress adults are experiencing, they often carry the weight of these events in ways that parents may not expect. In times like these, it is natural to wonder how to help your child process what happened, talk about it in an age-appropriate way, and know when to reach out for professional support.
At Better Together Family Therapy, we support families across Kensington, Bethesda, Silver Spring, and the surrounding areas in navigating difficult moments like the one our community just experienced: the heartbreaking death of a high school student who was struck by a car while walking with friends. This tragedy has left many parents and teens asking, “How do I help my child cope with this?”
Below, we’ll explore how parents can support kids at different ages, what’s different for children who are neurodivergent or who live with anxiety disorders, what to do if a child becomes “stuck” in worry or avoidance, and how to care for teens grieving the sudden loss of a classmate or friend.
Talking with Children About Tragedy: Age by Age
Every child’s understanding of and response to tragic events depends on their developmental stage. The way parents talk about the event should be guided by age and maturity.
Supporting Young Children after a Scary Event (Ages 3–7)
Young children think concretely, and they do not need detailed explanations. What they need most is reassurance that they are safe and that the adults in their lives are taking care of them.
Keep it simple and concrete: “There was an accident. Helpers came right away. You are safe.”
Answer the questions they actually ask rather than offering too much detail.
Reassure through routines: predictable meals, playtime, and bedtime rituals help restore a sense of safety.
Encourage play and drawing: children may process scary events through play scenarios, stories, or artwork rather than direct conversation.
Helping Older Children Understand (Ages 8–12)
At this age, children start to ask bigger questions about “why” and may want to revisit the event multiple times. They may also begin to think about fairness, safety, and mortality.
Offer honest, age-appropriate facts without unnecessary details.
Validate feelings: “It makes sense you feel worried. Accidents can feel very scary.”
Discuss community helpers—police officers, EMTs, neighbors, teachers—who work to keep people safe.
Watch for changes in mood, sleep, appetite, or school engagement.
Getting Real with Teens (Ages 13 and Up) After a Tragedy
Teens often have access to more details through social media and peer conversations. They may want both factual clarity and emotional space.
Invite conversation: “What have you heard about what happened? How are you feeling?”
Normalize a range of emotions: shock, sadness, anger, or guilt are all common.
Encourage healthy outlets: journaling, sports, music, art, or attending vigils.
Respect independence while staying close: your teen may want to talk with peers first, but make sure they know you are available anytime.
Supporting Neurodivergent Kids and Kids with Anxiety
Children who are neurodivergent—whether they are autistic, have ADHD, or process the world differently—often need tailored support.
Concrete language: avoid abstract or figurative explanations that may confuse.
Visual supports: maps, timelines, or drawings can help them understand what happened.
Sensory regulation: provide safe movement breaks, quiet spaces, or calming activities.
Children with anxiety disorders are especially vulnerable to becoming preoccupied with “what if” scenarios. They may:
Ask repetitive questions about safety.
Avoid certain places (like the road where the accident happened).
Develop rituals or requests for parents to make things feel safer.
Parents can acknowledge fears without reinforcing them: “I know you feel worried about that street. And I also know you can handle walking past it.”
What to do When a Child or Teen Becomes “Stuck”
Sometimes children get “stuck” in their fear or sadness. This might look like:
Constantly replaying the event in conversation or thought.
Avoiding routes, activities, or reminders connected to the tragedy.
Asking parents to repeatedly change routines to prevent reminders.
While it’s natural to want to protect your child, accommodating these fears too much can actually strengthen them over time. Instead:
Acknowledge the worry while gently encouraging a return to normal routines.
Model calm confidence: your steady presence helps kids feel safe.
Use gradual exposure: for example, first driving past the street together, then walking together, and eventually encouraging independence.
Can SPACE Treatment Help?
Yes. SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is an evidence-based treatment that teaches parents how to support anxious kids, teens, and young adults while reducing accommodations that keep fears alive. Rather than forcing a child to face fears, SPACE empowers parents to show empathy, reduce avoidance, and foster resilience. Families may find SPACE particularly helpful after traumatic community events if their child is changing their behavior to avoid reminders of the tragedy.
Supporting Teens After Losing a Friend or Classmate
Grief in adolescence can look very different from grief in adults. Teens may:
Withdraw from family while leaning heavily on peers.
Express anger, irritability, or numbness instead of sadness.
Turn to risky behaviors as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings.
Experience guilt, wondering if they could have prevented the tragedy.
Parents can support grieving teens by:
Being present more than perfect: offer to listen without judgment or quick fixes.
Encouraging safe outlets: attending memorials, journaling, or creating art.
Respecting privacy while staying connected: a quiet car ride or late-night check-in can be openings for conversation.
Partnering with schools: teachers, counselors, and coaches can provide extra support.
Remind your teen that grief has no timeline. It is okay for waves of sadness to come months later.
When to Seek a Therapist’s Help
It’s always okay to seek professional support after a community tragedy, but it becomes especially important if you notice:
Grief or anxiety that does not ease after several weeks.
Significant changes in sleep, appetite, or school performance.
Avoidance that prevents your child from resuming normal activities.
Self-harm behaviors, hopelessness, or thoughts of not wanting to live.
Therapists can provide a safe space for processing trauma and grief, teach coping strategies, and work alongside families to strengthen resilience.
Caring for the Kensington Community
The recent tragedy in Kensington has shaken families, schools, and the broader community. Grief and fear are natural responses when something so heartbreaking happens so close to home. Parents may feel unsure how to talk with their children, or may notice their teens struggling with overwhelming feelings.
At Better Together Family Therapy, we are here for you. Our team of expert therapists can help you and your family to process grief, manage anxiety, and restore a sense of safety. Whether your child is showing signs of worry, your teen is grieving a classmate, or you as a parent feel unsure how to help, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Final Thoughts for Parents
You don’t need to have all the answers. What your child needs most is your steady presence and willingness to listen.
Grief and fear are not linear. Kids may seem fine one day and deeply upset the next. This is normal.
Community matters. Coming together with neighbors, friends, and schools provides collective healing and models resilience for children.
If your family is struggling in the aftermath of a tragedy, please reach out. We’re ready to walk with you and your children through this difficult time. We’re happy to support our Kensington neighbors in grief, healing, and resilience.
