Deconstructing Anxiety in 4 (and a half) Steps

A Maryland anxiety therapist’s method for approaching and conquering your anxiety

Have you ever wished there was a way to check in with your fear that’s quick and easy? Do you wish there was a method you could use over and over to help decrease the fear you have? We’ve got you covered… in 4.5 steps. Why 4.5? Keep reading to find out!

Sometimes the best way to deconstruct anxiety-provoking situations is to make them concrete. In your head they’re sometimes so abstract they seem bigger than they are. Anxiety takes over and starts looking for ways to solve this overblown problem. It feels impossible, and that makes the anxiety worse.

The way out is to 1) define the problem and 2) then find the solution.

Strategies from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help identify the problem to solve…without exaggerating it.

Before you define the problem, check in with yourself

How anxious are you feeling about the problem on a scale of 0 (no anxiety) to 10 (the most anxiety)? How anxious are you in approaching the issue? This is why our method is 5.5 steps. This half step should be done before you really dig in.
Maybe you’ll say “I feel 8/10 about the problem. I’m feeling about a 4/10 when I think about tackling the issue.”

If you are feeling highly anxious about approaching the problem, do one of two things. Either:

1: set it aside until you’re in a calm state of mind

2: breathe deeply, meditate, or ground yourself until you’re in a calm state of mind

Now let’s try the CBT strategies to put that anxious feeling in perspective

1. Define the problem
   
   What is the problem? In what way (or when) is this a problem?
   
   Ex: “I’m feeling nervous because I’m socially anxious but I don’t want to miss this party.”
   
   What is making you feel anxious about the problem? What is your greatest fear? What will happen if you don’t solve the problem?
   
   I feel anxious about “messing up” in public. My greatest fear is that I will be seen as odd by others. Or that I will miss out on having fun with friends because I don’t go
   

2. Ask: Is the problem solvable? When?
   
   Is it a solvable problem now? If yes, move onto step 3. If not, define when it can be solved (i.e. name a time/date).
   
   Yes. I can work on decreasing my feeling of anxiety in social spaces. I can try it the next time there’s an event I want to go to.
   
   If it can never be solved, try to make peace with it. Check out our mindfulness blog for ideas. Or try to see other possible explanations for scenarios that feel catastrophic. For example…
   
   ”The pause in the conversation could have come from the other person thinking, not because they thought what I said was strange.”

3. If the problem is solvable now, choose a solution to try in the moment
   
   Remind yourself of your definition of the problem. It may help to write it down.
   
   i.e. I’m feeling nervous because I’m feeling socially anxious but I want to go to this party
   
   Next, brainstorm a few ways to concretely solve the problem
   
   + Bring a friend who I know and trust
   + Introduce myself to someone who is also there alone
   + Find the host and compliment their party
   + Try a conversation starter (i.e. the news, celebrity gossip, a trend, the weather)

4. Does your anxious mind think of new possible problems when you try to solve this one? For example, are you imagining that the solutions from step 3 will go poorly?

   This is where CBT for anxiety can really help.

   Ask yourself how realistic those anticipated “problems” are. And what else (other than disaster) might happen? And if you’re still feeling stuck, try repeating problem-solving steps 1-3 for these new problems. These are the methods to make your problem more concrete and solvable.

   Don’t forget to practice self compassion

   CBT encourages balanced thinking. A balanced thought about making a social error sounds like this.
   
   I may “mess up.” If that’s the case I can try to recover or fix it. And I can remember that 1) everyone messes up and 2) it’s okay to make mistakes.
   
   Now check in with yourself. Do you feel better about thinking about the problem? How anxious do you feel about the problem now on a scale of 1-10 (or from greatest fear to no fear)?
   
   I feel less anxious. On a scale of 1 to 10 I feel a 4. Before I was at an 8.

   Anxiety is sometimes how your brain tackles scary situations, and sometimes it takes a bit of sitting down and writing the problem to deconstruct the fear. Using CBT to check your thoughts can help decrease the fear, once you know what you’re afraid of. Try it for big fears and small fears.
   

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