Congratulations Parents: You Survived Day One!
The coronavirus outbreak has put many parents in a position of trying to homeschool their kids while also working from home. If this is you, you accomplished something amazing today (however imperfectly). You did your job with one hand, taught your child with the other, and made lunch with your elbows. We know you raised your voice more than you hoped to, fell short of completing the full task list, and are ending the night feeling like you climbed a massive mountain without any gear or training. We acknowledge that you are giving this your ALL, and that there are moments when that isn’t enough to get it all done. Today is definitely one of those moments.
Today was a LOT to handle, and there are reasons it felt like so much. First, the demands on employed parents are intense always. We often feel like we are doing less than we could or should both at home and at work. We are constantly multitasking mentally and emotionally. Today we had to do it physically, too. In addition to that, we were making an abrupt adjustment to new ways of doing things. Everything had a learning curve. And finally, we were doing this while being cut off temporarily from some of our habitual ways of coping. Perhaps you lost your alone time, your gym routine, or your favorite lunch spot. You didn’t see the friends you might chat with at school drop off or in your neighborhood, or the coworkers that give you a sympathetic look when the boss zeroes in on your project for a critique. These resources matter, but don’t get much of our attention in a typical day. Take this opportunity to feel some gratitude for the things that usually keep you going.
Now, let’s think about how to replace those resources in the short term. Take a moment and list your top 3 coping strategies or sources of joy on a typical day. Now, for each source, make a short plan to replace it with something else just for now. For example, my exercise of choice is swimming. That’s a no-go right now, but I can walk around the block or on a nearby trail at the times I usually reserve for a swim. I also usually savor a little bit of alone time each day. I don’t have much chance to be truly alone right now, but I can declare my kitchen “off limits” when I am cooking and enjoy some solitude while I do this daily chore. My third source of joy is seeing my clients. I might have a lighter client schedule and more time demands at home right now, but I can focus on getting more joy from time with my family and pets. That may mean taking a moment of stillness with a cat on my lap or doing an art project with my kids. Yes, it’s fun for them too, but I’m doing it for ME. Treating these sources of stress relief as a need rather than something extra can make all the difference in times of stress.
Perhaps this day reminded you of the challenges of bringing home a new baby, starting a new job, or moving your family to a new place. Those are all experiences that had similar learning curves and required big changes in your daily routine. Yet you adjusted successfully. It wasn’t easy at first, but look at you now! You’ve got this. That moment will come this time, too. Slow down, breathe, and take it one day at a time. Apologize when you lose your cool. Celebrate the things you DO accomplish, and balance out the stress with moments of relaxation or joy. Now, on to day 2…
