Adulting is Hard! Maryland therapists know.
A good Maryland therapist can help put these challenges in perspective.
“I'm having trouble adulting today.” We hear this sometimes from our young adult clients. The Urban Dictionary defines Adulting (v): to carry out one or more of the duties and responsibilities expected of fully developed individuals (paying off that credit card debt, settling beef without blasting social media, etc). Exclusively used by those who adult less than 50% of the time.
When I read this definition, it irks me. I’m bothered by the idea that adulting is only hard for those of a certain age. Or that the term belongs to someone who is trying an adult role on for size. Adulting is hard at any age!
Adults come to therapists in Maryland for a reason. Adult life is complex and stressful, especially in fast paced areas like Montgomery County.
As children we often pretend to be grown-ups. We play house where we pretend to be firefighters, police officers, doctors, or even CEOs. So much of our childhood and adolescence is spent dreaming for the day when we are in charge.
However once it arrives it doesn’t look or feel anything like we envisioned. None of those fairytales, TV shows or movies told us being an adult was going to be so hard. So why is it so hard?
Is it me? Am I doing this wrong? Out of all the choices I have, did I make the right one?
Anxiety is a natural result of stress. But it also creates stress.
We may feel anxious because we did actually something wrong or made a bad decision. But also because we aren’t sure we measure up. Our lives look nothing like the Kardashians’. And social media tells us that our neighbors are living happier lives than we are. Spoiler alert: your neighbor is coming to therapy too!
For parents, a child’s behavior is also subject to these comparisons. We see other kids excelling in sports, in school, or in the arts. Or just being polite or kind in a given moment. We think about our own children’s behavior as a whole, and we think… “Why can’t my kid act ‘normal’ like that?
There may be real reasons. ADHD? Anxiety? Other neurodivergence. The same stress that we’re feeling ourselves.
A good Maryland therapist will help you know what’s ‘normal’ and what’s a problem. And manage anxiety to reduce stress.
When we see our children’s ‘abnormal’ behavior, we feel anxious. We often imagine “people will think I’m a terrible parent.” We may even think we are terrible parents.
When we have those thoughts again and again, we might become depressed. Thinking we will never be enough is both frightening and profoundly sad. This is why getting help for the anxiety matters. We can feel better now, but also prevent feeling worse in the future.
In fact, our greatest strength is our ability to learn, change and grow cognitively throughout the lifespan. If right now we are depressed, anxious, and/or coping with neurodiversity, tomorrow we can reduce, learn to cope or even extinguish those diagnoses. No matter what stage of adulthood you are in.
Our society has taught you to believe that if you aren’t happy, rich, or powerful then you have failed. Reality is “adulting is hard.” For everyone!