What “I’m Bored!” Really Means
Even if you have structured everything perfectly this week, chances are you’ve heard “I’m bored” at least once. As parents we tend to assume this means “Hey you, entertain me!” We might feel annoyed, and wonder how we raised someone with such a sense of entitlement. That seemingly entitled child is actually asking for a moment of your attention, and looking to you to problem solve for him. When you problem solve WITH him, you meet both needs. It starts with an understanding of what “I’m bored” might mean. In general, it means that your child is feeling sleepy or sluggish, and craving something that brings a feeling of excitement or joy.
How Parents Can Help
As adults we regulate our energy and attention using a series of strategies every day. We may shower in the morning to increase alertness, or at night to decrease it. We use caffeine to “get going” and alcohol to “unwind.” Exercise, food, and sensory tools like a splash of cool water on the face, warm blankets, and heavy coats all play a role in our self-regulation. It’s so automatic that we might not even notice ourselves doing it.
Our children are still learning how their minds and bodies work, and need our help to figure out what tools to use when. This is especially true for children with ADHD or Executive Function difficulties. We can help them by asking questions such as “how does your body feel when you’re bored? What is a feeling that you like better? What might make you feel that way?” or giving them new words to describe feeling bored. “My brain feels sleepy! My muscles feel floppy. I can’t seem to get moving.” These descriptions also fit much of the time when our children are saying “I can’t” or “it’s too hard!” You may want to ask “what can you do when you feel like that?” Your child may surprise you with a strategy of his own, but since he’s feeling sluggish he’ll most likely say “nothing!”
The response to that is to agree, and lead the way to something new. “That’s right! Let’s get your power back!” Or “you ran out of batteries. Let’s plug in your personal charger!” Remember, when you join him in fixing the problem, you are also addressing your child’s need for connection. To lose that “bored” feeling together, race your child to a destination at top speed, start a pushup contest, or munch on a healthy snack together. Have a silly face contest, do cartwheels, or watch a short video that makes you laugh. Blow up a balloon and bounce it around. Then check in. “How does your brain feel now? How is your body? What will you do with all that power?”
What Else Can I Do?
If your child is still out of energy, a nap might be in order. Do your best to make time and space for pure rest. Start with a meditation from Cosmic Kids Yoga or another favorite to quiet the mind first.
If the energy is back but you’re out of play ideas, this “I’m Bored BINGO” card has some options, most of which are screen-free…
