The Power of Validation & Healthy Boundaries, Reflections From A Child and Family Therapist

Within the context of relationships, be they between parents, partners, siblings, friends, neighbors, and/or strangers, validation and boundaries are essential components. Both play important roles in allowing for healthy communication and respect. Let’s briefly explore the importance of these tools within the context of the parent/child relationship, before broadening the conversation to society as a whole.

Validation helps people feel heard.

The Power of Validation

We talk often with parents about the power of validation. Children have feelings and needs. It sounds so easy, but simply validating children’s needs goes a long, long way. It allows children to feel heard, connected, safe, and secure. Validation does not mean we agree with and/or condone a child’s actions or behaviors. We are simply allowing children space to express themselves and share. It can help us build empathy and understanding. It can help our children feel heard. And it can be a very useful de-escalation technique.

Healthy Boundaries

While it is important to validate emotions, it is also necessary to maintain healthy boundaries. We all have different limits and needs. With children, we often talk about the benefits of parents setting consistent boundaries. This requires a coordinated effort on the part of parents, who may have different perspectives and/or parenting styles. By setting boundaries, we are communicating what our limits are and specifying what we need from others in order to feel safe, secure and loved.

Setting boundaries is an act of love.

In Light of “Recent” Events

We are 15 days into the new year. COVID-19 is continuing to wreak havoc on our world AND our country has begun distribution of vaccines. Last week, thousands of mostly white Trump supporters stormed the U.S. Capitol AND this week the U.S. House of Representatives impeached Trump, again. Children, teachers and parents have made online learning work AND many are struggling with social isolation and increased screen time. Pain is palpable. Many are hurting. Our country is learning AND remembering our roots. People’s pain deserves validation and as we often see, certain people’s pain is prioritized in this country. Healthy boundaries looks like focusing our attention on the most vulnerable, listening to their stories, hearing their perspectives and centering their needs.

In Conclusion

As people, we crave validation. And, we benefit from healthy boundaries. It can be a difficult balance to navigate - validating while setting limits. But, it can be so rewarding when we do it. If you and/or your family would like additional support in learning how best to provide validation and/or set healthy boundaries at home, we invite you to reach out to our team of therapists. We are here to help you navigate through it all, together.