Talking to your Kids About Election Results (before they happen)
It’s finally here: the presidential election. Maybe you’ve waited 4 years for this. And you remember the emotions you felt 4 years ago.
The election of 2016 changed our country. Large portions of the population fell into a state of grief after election day. If you weren’t one of them, you likely know someone who was.
We’ll just be right here, in this pillow fort. Until the election is over.
And that same group of people is holding their breath this week. Waiting to see what comes next. And feeling intense fear about the possible outcomes.
The rest of the country is also waiting anxiously. Equally fearful about what might happen. Here in the DC area you may even be waiting to know who your next boss will be.
It’s enough to make us all want to curl up and hide. Until we know the results. Or for another 4 years.
How do you talk to your kids about this? Without scaring them. When you’re scared yourself.
Coping Skills for Younger Children
Given that we live where we do, you’ve probably talked to your kids about politics. Long before election day. You’ve told them who you plan to vote for, and why.
Your children might have made protest signs. Or marched with you. You are teaching them how to participate in the democratic process.
At this stage your children are passionate about causes because you are. They understand that these things are important. But don’t deeply understand why.
Their ideas may be limited to believing a candidate is “good” or “bad.” And that a bad candidate will mean more shutdowns. More COVID-19.
The simplistic idea of voting for the best person for the job only works if your candidate has won. The idea of the “bad” candidate winning is scary. Even for the adults.
Your kids will need coping skills. And they’ll get them from you. (Keep reading to see how.)
Support for Teens and Tweens
Older kids and teens may have something they care personally about. Such as climate change. Or DACA protection for a friend.
They are thinking about who they will vote for when they are old enough. When their candidate of choice loses, they may need help identifying what to do next. They need a plan for handling disappointment.
You’ll mentor them in this. By having a plan for handling your own disappointment.
Make a Family Action Plan
This task is helpful because it shifts your attention to what you can control. Attending to the things you can control is called having an “internal locus of control.” And it is an evidence-based strategy to reduce anxiety and improve mental health.
We recommend doing this as a family activity. But try it alone first. To get comfortable with the process.
First, you’ll need to get in touch with your reasons for choosing a particular candidate. What do you hope will happen in the next 4 years (goals/dreams)? What do you hope won’t happen (worries/fears)?
Stop reading for a moment and really answer these questions. Write your answers on the top half of a piece of paper under “goals/dreams” and “worries/fears.” Be as specific as you can.
Try to avoid writing about electing or stopping a particular candidate. Or passing or blocking a specific law. Consider what you hope that action would accomplish and write that end goal instead.
Next divide the bottom half of the page into 2 columns. On the left, write 3-5 actions you can take this year. To help realize the goals or dreams you wrote above.
On the right, write 3-5 actions you can take this year. To limit the impact of the events you fear. Or even prevent them.
Zoom in on things you can truly make happen in the short term. The pieces that are within your reach.
For example, if you wrote “reverse climate change” at the top of the page. You might put “install solar panels” or “buy electric car” at the bottom. You might choose to grow your own food or write an article to teach others how.
Now take a look at your paper. The information on the top half is what you tried to make happen with your vote.
Look at the actions your wrote at the bottom. How many require a particular person in office to happen? There might be one or two. Or none!
Choose a few tasks from your list. And make them your action plan for the year. Now lead your children, teens, or whole family in doing the same thing.
You can have one plan for the family. Or one for each person. Avoid choosing actions that are directly aimed at influencing the next election, for 2 reasons.
The time horizon on these actions is too far. Especially for kids. The idea of working for 4 whole years before seeing results is not encouraging.
The purpose of the task is to pull focus away from election results. And toward the actions you can really take. To live your values now.
Include ideas from all family members in the plan. And decide which ones you’ll do regardless of who is elected.
Attend to your emotions (and your kids’/teens’ emotions too)
Now that you have a family action plan, this part is simple. Your message to your kids is “these (on the paper) are the things that are important to us. Whichever candidate wins, we will do these things to make our country a better place.”
Explain the emotions too. “I would be sad about ______ winning. Because I think the other candidate would also do these things we are doing. Or try to make a law that helps us do them.”
Or “I thought this candidate would help make the changes to our country that we want. I was excited about that, and now I’m disappointed. But we can make changes on our own too.”
If your child or teen is feeling sad or angry about election results, listen. Sit with them and offer comfort. Ask about their hopes and fears.
Consider adding to your family action plan. To address any new concerns that come up. Help them research (and debunk) any myths they’ve heard about what would happen after the election.
Coping with Your Own Election Anxiety
Our first step in helping our kids to cope is to strengthen our own coping. That may be easier said than done. Especially right now.
As an adult, you know that people’s lives change based on who is in power. Our healthcare and employment and freedom from violence can change.
You are likely afraid that these things will change. In ways that make you feel less safe. And less welcomed in your own country.
This fear is deep. It’s visceral. And it’s real.
So how do you cope? (More in this post about election day itself).
When you feel the physical signs of anxiety in your body, consciously attend to them. Release the places where you hold tension.
Breathe deeply to slow your heart rate. Drop your shoulders and relax your jaw. For muscles that won’t release, tense them first.
If you need to, remind yourself “I am here. I am safe.” This is true in the moment. Even if you don’t feel particularly safe in general.
Consider the sensory ways that you soothe yourself. Do you need to wrap up in a blanket? Listen to music?
Spend some extra time on self care during this time. On the things that inspire you and give you hope. And make space to sit with your feelings, even if they are negative.
Limit your media exposure. Reading the same news repeatedly fuels your fear. Find something else to do and come back to it later.
Demonstrate these skills yourself. And teach them to your children. Go for walks without your devices.
Watch the leaves fall. Make a pile and jump in it. Live this day that is happening right now.
We’ll all get through it. Together.
If the election anxiety is feeling out of control and you’d like some support, give us a call at 240-242-5185. We’re happy to do a one-time stress management session or fit in an extra visit to keep your coping on track.
