Looking for Couples Therapy? 6 Things You Need to Know
Our Maryland Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists tell you what to expect.
1. The therapist will want to meet you both right away. This applies to all participants in the relationship, whether it’s a monogamous relationship or a polyamorous one.
When you call a couples therapist to decide if he/she/they feels like the right for you, it’s best to do it together. When you call alone, the therapist’s first question will be “does your partner know you’re calling?”
This is because good therapy requires trust. The therapist’s first goal will be to help you both (or all) feel comfortable coming to therapy. Once trust is established, growth can begin.
2. The therapist won’t take sides.
Couples often come to therapy wanting the therapist to see how awful their partner is. That perspective is one of the things the therapist will help you change. Instead, the therapist may help you explain your feelings to your partner in a way that your partner can hear.
3. You’ll be talking mostly to each other.
The therapist is there to facilitate communication and connection between you. When you start to tell the therapist about something your partner has done, the therapist will likely have you tell your partner instead.
4. You won’t have to relive the past.
The focus will be on how you listen to and support each other now. Once you’ve learned that, you may have some new ways to process old feelings. You might decide to talk about them again, or let them be in the past. That’s up to you.
5. Therapy can be affirming for ALL relationships.
You get to decide who to be with. And make the rules of the relationship. Your therapist won’t tell you that your LGBTQ+ or poly relationship is unhealthy. Or try to talk you out of your kink. What is ok with both/all of you (and doesn’t injure anyone) is fine. Period.
If you encounter a therapist who doesn’t support the structure of your relationship, look for a different therapist. You deserve a therapist that’s right for you. (The one exception, of course, is abuse. A therapist will challenge you to get out of any situation that puts you in danger.
6. The letters after the therapist’s name matter. Look for a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LCMFT or LGMFT in Maryland).
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists earn that credential by spending more than half their time treating couples and families while in graduate school. That’s a minimum of 250 couple and family sessions provided before you ever enter their office. And LCMFTs have done at least twice that much.
Other mental health providers (Social Workers, Psychologists, Counselors) have NO requirement to learn about treating couples or families at all. You might be the first couple to enter their office. And couples work is not the same as individual therapy!
If you do decide to go with someone who isn’t an LCMFT or LGMFT, make sure they have a mental health license in your state. And ask how they were trained to work with couples. Some therapists have taken a course after graduate school to get ready for this specialized work. They should be able to tell you about that training and describe their approach.
Finding Online Couples Therapy in Maryland
If you’re in Maryland, the therapist will have to be too. Telehealth laws in most states prohibit treating clients across state lines. There may be exceptions made if you are here and your partner is traveling, so check with a therapist in your state to find out.
