Lessons We Can Learn from the Loss of Stephen 'tWitch' Boss
One Maryland Therapist’s Message to Men of Color
by Shantel Elessie, LCPAT
There is explicit societal bias towards men. Telling you that you are not allowed to feel or express your emotions. Society does not make room for an outlet where you can safely talk about your feelings and be vulnerable. You may be perceived as weak. To any display of vulnerability, the societal norm says, Man up, Be strong!
What do you do with those thoughts and feelings? They are still there. All your life you suppress it.
I’m here to tell you: It’s ok not to be ok.
“Yeah no I’m good bro. That’s for women.” And you continue to wear the Superman cape all day long.
This display of toxic masculinity is like playing Russian roulette. You’ve carried this pain long enough. Please put the mask down. Give your shoulders a rest. You are still capable. You are not weak. You are strong.
It is a sign of strength to speak up. To have an outlet where your vulnerability can live freely without judgement. When you are suffering from physical pain or bleeding, you tend to your wounds. You are suffering from emotional pain and it needs attention and healing.
Should you turn to therapy, or to God? Why not both?
A common misconception in communities of color is “Jesus is all you need.” Do lean on the One who is stronger than you. And seek counsel. You can have faith and mental health support too. One does not discredit the other. In fact they validate and enhance one another on the road to healing.
If Superman can take a break from his hero work, so can you.
Steps Toward Healing, for men of color
The level of awareness in communities of color is not where it needs to be. Let’s work together to break the stigma. Our communities are suffering. Research tells us that men use more lethal means of suicide. For you, suicide is more likely to lead to death. Women make more suicide attempts that lead to intervention. They get help.
That’s not fair to you. You deserve help too.
There is no face for suicidal ideation. There are warning signs we can be aware of. And we should intervene when we see them in ourselves or others. To have each other’s backs.
Warning Signs of Suicide
Talking about wanting to die or dying.
Saying people will be better off without you.
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no way out of a stressful situation.
Overwhelming guilt and shame
Drastic changes in behavior
Social withdrawal and isolation
Changes in sleep patterns
Giving away valuable items
Saying goodbye
Access to lethal means such as pills and weapons
Previous suicide attempts
History of suicide in the family
History of trauma
History of mental illness, especially untreated
Substance abuse
Prolonged stressors or sudden loss
Physical pain
A Message of Hope
I know you are living with great pain and isolation. There is no thought too heinous, no action too devastating, no place too dark that you cannot come back from. There is a safe outlet to release this inner turmoil. There is help.
Hope is on the other side of your pain and it will get better if you just hold on. Please do not make a permanent choice in response to a temporary feeling/ situation. It was not always this way and this is not how your story has to end. Your story isn’t over ;
Please take a moment to remember a time in your life when you felt at peace and things were better. That person is still inside of you. Save him.
Please hold on to the possibility of HOPE:
Hold On Pain Ends; Hold On Peace Exists.
Don’t give up; Don’t let go; Don’t suffer in silence; Let’s work together to stop this emotional hemorrhaging and save your life. You are worthy of saving. You are loved. You matter. Your story matters. You are valuable. You are forgiven. You are not alone.
You are more than what your thoughts say you are. Those thoughts are influenced by all the hate you’ve experienced. And the toxic masculinity you’ve grown up in.
Where To Get Help
Are you having thoughts about harming yourself or someone else? If you answered yes, there is help.
Call 988 for the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Dial 911 or go to the nearest emergency room
For help with essential health and human services call 211
You can make these calls confidentially. Just to talk it through. Or to find more resources for you or for someone you love.
Share this blog with someone you think may need a message of hope today. Be kind to someone today. It just might save their lives.
And visit our Adult Therapy page to learn how else we can support you on your healing path.
