How Well Do you (Still) Know Your Partner Really?
Whether you’re happily coupled, struggling a bit, or in need of CPR working on your friendship improves your relationship.
Read on for tips from a Marriage and Family Therapist in Maryland to see where you’re at.
Deep friendship, a.k.a., mutual respect and enjoying your partner’s company is the bedrock of happy relationships. Knowing the likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, and personality quirks of your partner are imperative.
Happy couples express their fondness for each other in both big and small ways day after day. They have long-lasting regard for each other.
Friendship with your partner fuels the flame of romance since its offers a buffer to feeling adversarial toward your spouse.
The friendship is able to give a “positive sentiment override”, or PSO, as coined by University of Washington’s Robert Weiss. This translates to the positive thoughts about each other and the relationship being so widespread they override any negative feelings.
You can see how working on this friendship with your partner is imperative to the success of your relationship.
John Gottman, Ph.D one of the country’s foremost relationship experts, suggests enhancing your intimate knowledge of your partner as a place to start.
Gottman’s “love map” is his term for where you keep all the relevant info about your partner’s life in your brain.
Enhancing this love map by rediscovering your partner helps strengthen your relationship.
Further, it also helps you weather the storm of what life throws your way.
Some Statements to help you assess the quality of your love map are the following:
I can name my partner’s best friends.
I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.
I know the three most special times in my partner’s life.
I can list the relatives my partner likes the least
I know what my partner would want to do if he or she suddenly won the lottery.
If you can answer true to these, you’re on your way to having a strong love map. If not, maybe your love maps have become outdated, and it might be time to learn about your partner as they are now.
Either way a helpful exercise is playing the Card Game “We’re Not Really Strangers”. It has three different levels of questions to help you get to know your partner better. There’s even a Relationship Add on Pack if you want to really get deeper for established partners.
And remember it’s a game! No passing judgement. You’re on a fact finding mission. The goal is to listen and learn about your spouse.
The joy from feeling known and understood is unparalleled and deepens any connection. You are now on your way to deepening your relationship, Bravo!
For more wisdom and expertise like this, subscribe to our monthly newsletter.