Thankfulness Boosts Our Mental Health
If you’re like me, this time of year is full of things that make you happy. I love holidays, cooking, and cranberry sauce. Marching bands and crunching leaves make me smile. I look forward to warm coffee and making my late grandmother’s pumpkin pie. I’m grateful for all of it, because I’m focused on maintaining my mental health.
This is the time of year when we talk about thankfulness, a conversation we truly should be having all year. Research has identified gratitude as an antidote to Depression and a booster of sleep, self esteem, and relationships. When we spend a little time each day focusing on what we appreciate, we alter the story of our lives to emphasize the joy. This truly is a healing process. Religious leaders have known this for centuries. Thanking God is a way to practice gratitude.
Gratitude is a central concept in psychotherapy as well. As therapists we are aware of the innate negativity bias in human thought. People are, in fact, hard wired to identify and solve problems. This is because problems, particularly in ancient times, could be life threatening. What passes for a problem in modern life, however, could be something as insignificant as “the cafeteria ran out of my favorite lunch” or “I forgot to buy milk.” Our brains still devote significantly more resources to tracking problems than to noticing what goes well, and as therapists we seek to contradict this bias in a number of ways.
We advise parents and teachers to give at least 3 pieces of positive feedback for every one piece of negative feedback. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the most commonly used evidence based approach in the United States, focuses on replacing negative thoughts with “balanced thoughts” that acknowledge the presence of a problem but also include alternative explanations and possible solutions. Narrative Therapy, a postmodern approach created by Michael White, treats mental health symptoms by helping clients re-author their stories in ways that combat the negativity bias and offer a fuller, more nuanced narrative.
Not everyone needs therapy to establish a focus on the positive. Gratitude can be practiced in daily life in many different ways. Here are a few of our favorites:
Include a discussion of gratitude in your family mealtime. Family members can pay each other compliments, describe the best part of their day, or say one thing they are thankful for.
If prayer is part of your family’s religious practice, include a statement of thankfulness in each prayer.
Frame your day with gratitude. Start the day asking “what am I looking forward to today?” Ask your children the same question, or tell them “something wonderful will happen today, and we don’t yet know what. When you discover it, will you tell me?”
When you’re planning to do something to help others, ask “what would this person be truly grateful for?” Let the language of gratitude guide your gift giving.
Of course, there will be times when we find gratitude more difficult to practice. After a national tragedy, the loss of a loved one, or another sad event, it’s important to acknowledge the feelings that come up. Don’t push for the focus to be on gratitude in these moments. If you’d like to keep gratitude in the discussion, you might say something like “it was harder to find our gratitude today. Do you think there were still things to be thankful for?” “No” is an ok answer in a moment of pain. Consider adding “I look forward to finding my gratitude again in the future” if you’d like to send the message that life will go on.
