Hearts for ADHD: Our ADHD Therapists’ Best Self Esteem Booster
Show your ADHD child or partner some love, with this advice from our ADHD therapists
ADHD experts estimate that kids with ADHD get 20,000 more negative messages by the time they turn 12 than kids who don’t have ADHD! That’s a LOT of negativity! And your partner with ADHD is much older than 12. They’ve gotten at least 50,000 extra negative messages by now.
There are so many things we ask our family members with ADHD to do (or NOT do). Teachers, coaches, and others are doing it too. These statements or requests happen in the blink of an eye. They are almost automatic. And they repeat day after day.
That’s just the reality of life with ADHD. And that reality, paired with the hypersensitivity to criticism that sometimes comes with ADHD, can add up to pretty low self esteem. (See Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria).
Your ADHD child or partner is hurting. Our Maryland therapists know what to do!
You might be feeling a little guilty after reading that first part. (I certainly do.) We can’t stop redirecting our kids with ADHD, or ignore the struggles of an ADHD partner. Some of these statements are necessary. Helpful, even.
So what CAN we do? We can balance out these statements with a big dose of love and appreciation!
A perfect self-esteem booster for February… or anytime
Try giving “Hearts for ADHD” this February. This strategy works for anyone, but especially for those with ADHD. Why? People with ADHD can be hypersensitive to positive feedback! A compliment from you can really make their day.
And there’s so much to compliment them about. ADHD is a superpower. Your ADHD family member is probably creative and funny. They might be able to connect ideas in ways you never thought of. Or empathize deeply with others.
Your positive attention is therapeutic for your ADHD child or partner
Today, take a few moments to share some of the little (and BIG) things that you love about your child or partner. All it takes is a heart and a pen.
Compliment starters from our ADHD Therapists
Having trouble getting started? Try one of these.
I love how you…
You have a talent for…
I’m so happy when I see you…
Your superpower is…
You add ___________ to my life (or our family).
You work so hard to…
Your ___________ makes me smile.
We are ADHD therapists, offering counseling and therapy in Maryland for adults with ADHD, children with ADHD, and their families. Reach out today for more personalized support.
Even when Valentines Day has come and gone, your child or partner needs your love. Consider using the hearts all year long! Write messages to your loved one in each heart. Deliver a heart a day, every week, or give your hearts all at once. And lastly, see where that positivity takes you! Keep reading for more tips about how to love your ADHD child or partner this month and beyond.
Supporting Your ADHD Partner in daily life
Having a partner with ADHD can be tough. Non-ADHD partners often feel like a parent or a boss in the relationship. And that feels terrible. You might be tempted to jump in and take over your partner’s tasks. We recommend helping in these ways instead.
Learn about ADHD:
When your partner tells you about their experience with ADHD, listen. Do some reading (ADHD 2.0 is a favorite of ours) or listen to a neurodiversity affirming podcast to learn the basics on your own. Then ask questions to understand your partner’s specific needs. Be sure to ask in a positive way (“what helps you?” vs. “what can’t you do?”).
Communicate your own needs clearly:
Encourage open and honest communication by being open yourself and asking for the same in return. Those with ADHD can sometimes miss subtle hints, so if you want something from your partner it helps to just ask.
Be patient:
This might mean listening to an extra long story without interrupting. Or giving your partner time to think and plan before acting. Support your partner’s process of trial and error, while continuing to state your needs.
Establish routines and try not to change them without notice:
People with ADHD rely on routines and habits to stay consistently on task. Sudden changes of plan break the routine and can make it easy for them to forget what they need to do.
Of course, sudden changes do happen. Kids get sick and come home early from school. Traffic requires a sudden change of route. Fortunately, people with ADHD are also great at jumping in and responding when they’re needed. They just might forget about the tasks they originally planned to do.
Offer help but don’t insist:
Avoid correcting your partner when they do things their own way. You may see a different way to do it. But that’s only helpful if they’d like your help. Try “I have an idea for this. Would you like to hear it?” And don’t take it personally if they say no.
Use shared calendars and other tools:
Keeping a physical calendar and/or color coding items on a schedule makes the information easier to process. And having shared access to the calendar allows your partner to check what’s happening when they get distracted or forget.
Organize your home in ADHD-friendly ways:
Always put things in the same places, and have easy to reach places for items you use often. (A basket by the door for keys, for example.) Sort into broad categories (a “current paperwork” folder rather than one for bills and one for mail). And use open bins and shelves when possible. It should be easier to put things away than to get them out.
Exercise together to maximize consistency:
Having an accountability partner (that’s you) can improve consistency. Exercising regularly boosts focus and organization (mood, too!). So jumping on board with your partner’s workout routine can benefit you both.
Get the advice of a therapist who specializes in ADHD:
Whether you are going to therapy yourself, trying marriage counseling, or looking to help your partner, finding an ADHD expert is a must. Anyone you’re working with should understand how ADHD affects couples, and be ready to recommend strategies to keep your relationship intact as you navigate this together.
Remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Flexibility and ongoing communication are key to a successful partnership when dealing with ADHD or any other challenges.
Affirmations to teach to your ADHD child
Affirmations can be powerful tools for building confidence and a positive mindset in children with ADHD. Here are ten affirmations tailored for kids with ADHD:
"I am one of a kind. There’s only one ME."
Emphasizes the value of individuality and celebrates the child's unique qualities.
"I can do it my own way!"
Encourages the child to recognize their abilities when doing it someone else’s way isn’t working for them.
"My bouncy ball brain helps me bounce right back!"
Sure, the bouncy ball brain can take your child off task. But it can also help them move on quickly after a setback.
"My energy makes people happy!"
Kids with ADHD are FUN. They find the playful side of just about any situation. And they’re usually funny too.
"Wow. I learned something new again!"
Encourages a growth mindset, reinforcing the idea that improvement and learning are ongoing processes.
"ADHD can be awesome. ___________ has ADHD just like me."
Find a content creator or other celebrity with ADHD for your child to identify with. This gives a clear example of how the creativity of an ADHD brain can create success in life.
"I can do it, with some practice."
Encourages a growth mindset, and reminds your child that sticking with something is how you get good at it.
"I know I’ll figure it out. And my Mom (Dad, Teacher, etc.) knows too."
Reinforces a sense of support from family, friends, and other important people in the child's life.
"ADHD is a superpower. Because of my ADHD, I can ______________."
Reminds the child that their ADHD comes with gifts as well as challenges.
Can you think of 3 more? Engage your child’s help to write as many affirmations as you can. You might even find some on the hearts you’re making for “Hearts for ADHD!”