FREE Webinar: Maximizing Your Child's Independence in Online School
Our FREE parenting webinar happened on 8/29/2020. We’re sorry we missed you!
But you can still view it right here. Click on the video to watch the full hour, or scroll down to read the transcript of each section.
We’ll also be online again soon. We’re eager to answer your questions and offer more support. Keep checking our website for dates and times!
Video Transcript: Parenting Help for Online School
Meet the Presenters
Robin Brannan LCMFT, Marriage and Family Therapist
Hi, I’m Robin Brannan LCMFT. I’m the Founder and Director of Better Together Family Therapy. I've been practicing family therapy with families with children of all ages for about 19 years.
My masters degree is from the University of Maryland School of Public Health, Family Studies Department. And I'm licensed to practice Marriage and Family Therapy in the state of Maryland.
I was a school-based therapist in a wonderful program called Linkages to Learning for 8 years. I then spent five years supervising school-based therapists in the Kennedy Wheaton and Einstein clusters of Montgomery County Public Schools. I served as the Director of Kensington Wheaton Youth Services (now called EveryMind Youth Services).
I shifted to focusing my practice on kids and families with ADHD, executive function disorders, and learning differences after having my own child with these issues. My kids are now in 4th grade and 8th grade in MCPS. So I’m a parent too. I'm feeling the online school stress that all of you are feeling.
Maria Smith LCSW-C, Clinical Social Worker
Hello and good afternoon everybody! My name is Maria Smith. I'm a Clinical Social Worker and a Child and Family Therapist.
I have been working with families for over 10 years in the DC area. I worked in Baltimore as well as St Louis and El Salvador. I have worked as a school-based therapist in both an elementary school and a middle school for the past three years.
So I've learned a lot about the school system. How it works internally. How to support students and teachers and parents with the academic side of school, as well as emotional needs that come up in the school setting.
I have also observed the swift transition in the spring and now over the summer. The variety of different plans that have come out just trying to figure out what works best for children and for families. And this fall with COVID-19 still remaining a strong presence.
I believe it's the most important part, kind of a theme we’ll see is taking care of ourselves as we're taking care of our children and we're taking care of each other. Let’s give ourselves a moment of grace in that this is not normal. I tell that to my students and families, that teachers are well aware that this is not normal schooling.
And so we’ll try to do our best. We are all in this together. It's great to be here with you all today. Feel free to be open and honest with any questions or concerns because I'm sure you're not alone in the questions that you're having.
Part 1: Self Care for Parent and Child
Video: 2:34 - 13:11
Robin Brannan LCMFT: A couple of really quick administrative things. First, this is not a therapy session.
If you're interested in therapeutic services, we would be happy to help you out with that. You can give us a call or you can reach out to us through our website at BetterFamilyTherapy.com.
But we will not be doing therapy in the session today. Or dispensing any sort of medical advice.
We are here to give you ideas for what you can do. Not ideas for what you must do. So be really careful to banish that potential parent guilt that comes up.
When you get all these ideas of things that you could do to support your child in online learning, that doesn't mean that you have to do every single one of them. Or that you have to do even one of them. This is an opportunity to give you some tools to solve some problems that might be on your mind right now.
Speaking of what's on your mind… take a minute right now and notice your mental multi-task. What else is kicking around in there? Do you still need to clean up from lunch? Or make lunch?
Are you thinking about what you need to get done today? Are you thinking about all the administrative tasks that you might need to do before your child gets started with school in the coming weeks? You need to figure out how to log into the portal and get all of those Zoom links going!
Whatever is on your mind right now, just take a minute and notice it. And then very carefully set it aside. Just for the time that you're here. So that you can really focus and tune in to what we're talking about.
If you need to write it down, sometimes that helps. That's one of my favorite tools for getting rid of the mental multi-task. Make a little list of those things I need to remember to do later.
And while you're doing that we're just going to take a couple of deep breaths. So that we’re nice and centered and grounded. Breathe in through our nose. And out through our mouths.
Breathe in calm and breathe out tension. One more good deep breath. Focusing only on the breath. Feeling the air go in and out.
So now that we’re present, we can do just one thing at a time. And if I had one tip… just one that synthesizes everything we will talk about today, it really is do one thing at a time.
Because trying to do bits and pieces of things all at once... the idea of that is what has us so stressed about parenting while our children are in online school. And while many of us are also working in the same space.
Stress Management for You and Your Child
Your stress is contagious. You know that as parents. Sometimes that brings up our parent guilt. But your calm is contagious too.
Participant Question: How do I encourage my son to not have angry outbursts, not yell and to be more calm?
Robin Brannan LCMFT: It starts with you, but it doesn't end with you. We’ll give you some tools for your child as well. But it absolutely starts with you.
The one particular tool that you're going to need in your toolbox going into the school year is your refresh button. We all know the refresh button on the computer screen. It’s that little button you use when things aren't quite going the way that you need them to go. And you just want to start over.
Everybody needs a refresh button. You need a refresh button that you can use at any point during your day. Something that doesn't take any more than 5 minutes of your time. But that you can focus solely on for those few minutes. That gives you that sensation of a refresh.
It's a mental reset. It's an emotional reset. A tiny little piece of self-care.
It can be a piece of music that you listen to from start to finish when you just need to adjust your mindset. Sometimes it's like a power anthem, and sometimes it's something that's just gentle and calming and soothing. Whatever your preference is. Whatever feels good to you is fine.
For some people it's art. You might keep drawing paper nearby and draw something quickly when you need to just mentally reset. It could be a really quick burst of exercise.
It could be meditation. it could be a cup of tea. There are so many different things that you can do for your refresh button. But you absolutely need to have a refresh button.
Maria Smith LCSW-C: My refresh button is reaching out and finding someone like a friend or family member. Another person who can understand the struggles. Whether it's online learning or other things related to COVID-19.
Support is my refresh button. And laughter as well, through that. Like let's laugh a little bit about how life is right now.
Robin Brannan LCMFT: So my refresh button actually tends to be Broadway show tunes. Whatever song is getting stuck in my head. It's usually from a Broadway soundtrack. And that's usually my reset.
I will turn it on in my office in between clients. If I need a movement break I will get up and dance around. Especially if I'm feeling a little sleepy or a little bit unfocused.
So think for a moment about what that refresh button is for you. Write it down if you're not sure that you'll remember it after this.
You're going to use that refresh button in moments where you're feeling spent and burn out. Or in moments when you're transitioning from a work task to a parenting task. Or back from a parenting task to a work task.
And as far as having tools for your child, it's really important to find your child's refresh button too. Sometimes kids can tell us what makes them feel better when they're really stressed out. And sometimes we have to observe it in their behavior.
Maybe your child has a particular stuffed animal they go for. A particular blanket they go for. A certain spot in the house that they gravitate toward when they're feeling stressed.
Some kids like to use a bath or a shower to reset. There are a lot of different tools that kids will use. But it's especially helpful to notice what they do from a sensory standpoint.
So if they get themselves warmer or cooler when they need to diffuse some stress. Or they go for that comfort object. That's their refresh button.
You can really encourage them to notice that. And to use it thoughtfully throughout their day. We have ways to cue them visually for that as well.
Best Ways to Prevent a Meltdown
Older kids and teens can probably tell you what feels good to them. And if they can't it may just be something that they really enjoy. If your child really likes to shoot hoops or your child likes to run or your child likes to ride their bike or jump on a trampoline. Whatever it is that they really enjoy doing.
That can really help shift their mindset and shift their mood. So you want to use that refresh button proactively as much as you can. So that you’re diffusing that tension throughout the day and it's not piling on and piling on and piling on. That's one of the best ways to really prevent a meltdown for your child.
Participant Question: What are ways that children typically show they are stressed?
Robin Brannan LCMFT: That's a very good question. Some kids are more obvious about it, right? Some kids might bite their nails or chew on their hair. Their body language might change in a noticeable way.
Other kids might get quiet when they're stressed. They might stop participating in whatever is going on around them. You might notice it in other places throughout their day. They might be a little short-tempered or irritable with you when you're asking them a simple question or calling them for lunch or something like that.
Maria Smith LCSW-C: I think if it's your child or your student, noticing changes. And knowing that for each person it might look different being stressed. Like Robin was saying it might be turning inward or turning outward to show that stress. You know, the fight, flight or freeze responses that we talked about.
I think using intuition and that relationship that you have with a child to help notice something. Thinking “what's going on here?” and really trying to tune in to not only what is being communicated verbally but also non-verbally.