The answer from our Maryland therapists may surprise you.

Life at home has become a struggle. Everyone is running in different directions. For sports. For school. For work. And when you do see each other, someone is always yelling.

Or perhaps there are old conflicts coming up over and over. In your marriage. With your parents. Or your in-laws.

This isn’t the family life you wanted. But fitting family therapy into the schedule seems impossible. Getting everyone's schedules to line up for an hour a week, at a time when a therapist is available, would be a miracle.

Still, you’re willing to figure it out. You know your family can be better than this. And you see how much easier life could be.

You may even have suggested family therapy. Nobody seems interested. Except you. So can you go to family therapy on your own?

Yes. You CAN see a family therapist in Maryland alone.

In family therapy, there are always family members who are hesitant to make a change and others who are eager to try. Change is scary. For all of us. Even when it’s a positive change.

Whether the whole family comes to therapy or not, the family member who is most committed to the change helps make the change happen. Others shift in response to the changes that the person makes. Family relationships move in a new direction. Because they have to.

Here’s why family therapy works even if not everyone attends

Family systems have something called homeostasis. Homeostasis is the pattern of relating to each other that you’re used to. It’s the groove you slip into in your everyday interactions. Even when you know it leads someplace negative.

When one person makes a change in their own patterns of relating, homeostasis is interrupted. There are two ways to get back into the groove. Either the other family members make changes, or the person who changed goes back to their old ways.

With the support of a good family therapist, you can make changes on your own. And you’ll be prepared NOT to go back to the old ways. That leaves your family with only one option. Do something new.

What will I learn by attending family therapy in Maryland alone?

Consider the argument you have over and over again with your partner, parent, or child. Notice your usual tone, words, actions. Now imagine what might happen if you approached the same conversation from a completely different perspective. A perspective you’ll learn in therapy.

Let’s try it out. We’ll use the example of a mother and child who get into an argument whenever it’s time for basketball practice. Mom says it’s time to go. The child says no, or delays until they’re in danger of being late. Mom gets desperate for control of the situation, and this happens…

Mom: If you don't go to basketball practice, you're grounded!

Child: You can't make me!

Mom: Oh yes I can. I'm your mother. (This, by the way, is the response that comes out of ALL of us when someone says "you can't...")

Child: I hate you! And I'm NOT going.

Now let’s pretend Mom has gone to therapy and is trying a new approach. How strange would the conversation be if the child’s words stayed the same? It sounds something like this.

Mom: I'm worried that skipping practice might make you lose your place on the team.

Child: You can't make me!

What?! That isn’t what he’ll say. The old response no longer works. The mom in this example did something new. Now the child has to, too.

What do you think this child might do? Their instinct will be to try continuing the argument a different way. (This is the power of homeostasis.) Perhaps the child says “Mom! You worry too much!”

A family therapist will have prepared Mom for this. Because Mom’s instinct will also be to continue the argument. Fighting about basketball practice is a well rehearsed habit in our example family. The pull to continue doing it will be strong.

Mom might want to say “I do not!” or “I only worry because I care about you.” And the child will argue that she does worry or she doesn’t care. This debate could go on and on. Until they’re tired and frustrated. And basketball practice is over.

What the right Maryland therapist can do for you.

With the help of a good family therapist, this Mom will get good at avoiding the argument. She might answer her child’s “you worry too much” with “maybe I do. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

Whatever happens next, this family has tried something new. Trying new ways of relating will lead to discoveries. You’ll find ways that work. And leave everyone feeling better.

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